The Wedding Blues

Today wasn’t necessarily a “sad day” just as it was an uneventful day, and then my own brain decided to throw in a little solemnity. 

Well, for those who don’t know, my boyfriend and I are kind of considering marriage. Crazy, right? Sure is! But that’s not what weirds me out. What makes me sad about this is the fact that I’m a sort of dreamer when it comes to weddings/receptions. Normally, I think in highly practical ways. I never think about things that are completely improbable. A reception is an entirely different story. 

I am a princess at heart. I’ve always been like this, but I set my expensive tastes aside for things that are simultaneously practical and inexpensive. 

I dream of having a beautiful Tangled-themed reception, except instead of a pink/purple/gold color scheme, have a red/gold/pink, and have a lot of tangled references within the wedding. I’ve already found a tutorial for some adorable lanterns (http://tinyurl.com/c97nekl) that could be painted gold and red or gold and pink, and my friend and I have been working on figuring out how Jared and I could have our own lantern-lighting thing outside. As you’ve probably seen, I’m an artist, and so I plan on doing a lot of Tangled-themed art with Jared and I as the subjects. I’ll frame them in gold frames and put them on the tables alongside roses and the lantern jars. The tables will also have tea lights to create some nice lighting, a little shimmer against the glasses and china.

My aunt does catering, and would probably cater the reception for free just as a wedding gift, so I’m not worried about that. She even has fancy plates that I love, so… I’ve almost got that covered. I just worry about all the other things I have ideas for.

I’ve even got an idea for what I want the location to be like. I refuse to have a normal Utah wedding where you get in your local Mormon church building and pretend that you’re not dancing on top of a bunch of lines from a combination basketball/volleyball court and that the hoops themselves are actually just decorations from the building… I want a fantastic building like Noah’s (http://mynoahs.com/), where you can drape chiffon from the ceiling and have it accent your center point, where you can dim the lights so everything seems mildly romantic and amazing, like you’re actually outside where the lanterns have been lit and the atmosphere is amazing. I want a wedding where people will come in and be amazed. I want them to never forget it.

I imagine my hair in a half-up/half-down braided crown with a gold tiara on top, and the veil coming down from the base of the braided part. I’ve chosen a few dresses that I’m absolutely in love with, and my friend (aka schitzophrenicrainbows.tumblr.com) made me a fantastic red cloak with the most soft velvet I think I’ve ever felt. My bridesmaids dresses have essentially already been picked out, and are absolutely gorgeous. I found an inexpensive, yet darling ring that I hope I can unsuspiciously thrust upon my boyfriend should he decide to propose.

Fact of it is, I’ve got all of this planned out in my head. It’s been this way long before I even knew who my boyfriend was, and I love it. The only problem? Now that it’s almost a reality; now that I can practically taste the engagement on the horizon… 

I realize that I’m poor. I don’t have any money to make this happen, and although I do have relatives, and although I do have people who care… It instantly puts the power in their hands. It won’t be my wedding anymore. It’ll be Lisa and Jared… and Everyone else who stuck their hands in my wedding pie.

I guess I’m just nervous. I don’t think I can do it. And I worry that because of that, I’ll have to settle for either a reception with everyone else’s ideas except my own, or the stereotypical “Utah” reception; basketball court with a few uncovered plastic tables and the “WONDERFUL” fluorescent lighting. 

Obviously I have time to worry about this. It’s just hitting me harder than ever tonight and I needed to rant it out.