To Be Known

I had once regarded fame as something I'd be thankful for, something I'd take with stride and happiness. Who wouldn't? Isn't the concept of fame inherently good? I mean, yes, granted there have been many examples in film and television that prove that there are negative sides to being known and having others know who you are. These interpretations, however, seem to have not deterred the lust for prominence, at least, not in myself. Why do I continue to tempt well perceived and understood boundaries? I am famous in a small circle on tumblr, and even though this popularity is, in any case, in the smallest sense, I have activated some odd crippling social anxiety I didn't know existed before.

I, in the most normal of situations, would not hesitate to ask someone about their life, their world, their everything. So why, suddenly, do I feel the need to worry about every little thing?

My sudden burst into this world of knowing-people-who-are-well-known-on-the-internet is weird. I've never felt so worried about everything. Even my stomach begins to flip in circles over the idea of now being socially involved with those whom I previously regarded as having higher stature over me. I never know what to say now, my mind consistently drawing blanks whenever I am addressed. I get these sudden paranoia fits that they think I'm awful or clingy or weird. I panic, in the lightest sense, and never feel accomplished in the conversation. Even long after the conversations are over, I feel like I've just made a complete fool of myself. I can't breathe, my mind goes empty, everything turns black and I just don't know what to do.

So tell me, world, how can a girl who once would never hesitate to make new friends, suddenly be so afraid to be around people? To feel like I was accepted by people I only dreamed of becoming friends with?

I feel like I've achieved the elementary schoolgirl's dream. I'm suddenly in the "popular" crowd. I have made friends with the big kids on the playground, and now all I can think to do is crawl up in a ball and pretend that they can't see me, because if they could, then they'd see how I'm more of an interference than a help to this little group of friends.

Its like I lost all ability to function normally.

Fumbling and Such.

This week was supposed to be happy-making and enjoyable, but rather it just kind of opened up a new can of worms in almost every situation that was supposed to be fun.

1. My wedding ring.

My wedding ring came into the jewelers! Unfortunately, instead of rose gold, it apparently came in with some nasty brown color. I didn't see it, but that's what the jeweler told us when we called to ask about the ring. I have become friends with this girl that is kind of our... consultant, I guess, when it comes to this ring, and I trust her when she says that she's trying her best to get our ring in on time. It's still kind of a bummer, though, that we can't get my ring yet.

2. My wedding dress.

Today, we went to get my dress and it looks great, and fits me well. But the only problem is that the waist on it goes a little higher on me, naturally, but this causes my boobs to push down on the waist part in the middle. The only way to fix this is to make the dress bigger, or for me to lose weight. and thinking about losing weight stresses me out, which only causes me to stress-eat and GAIN weight. But that didn't stop my mom from making that comment every five seconds.

3. Engagement picture fiasco

Engagement pictures were fun, but I was stressed out by having to be in the cold for them for so long. (It was cold and rainy when we went.) Now my fingers have that frostbitten feeling and it hasn't left yet. I talked to my grandma and she said "Ah. That sounds like what happened to me, and your mom when we were your age." and i was like what????? and then she said "Yeah arthritis runs in our family. sorry. that might be it. Or maybe you pulled something. But it's probably arthritis." and I was just like ugh. Not to mention, I have a UTI so now i"m like UGHHH NOOO HATRED. PAIN. Unfortunately, these are all linked to my genetics of weak bladders and terrible joints, so I guess I can blame my family? lol


Anyway that's essentially what's on my mind.

Re-watching and Working on a Collection

So after an amazing trip to DI yesterday, I decided I was going to attempt to collect all the Disney Princess movies. I actually ended up finding four of them at DI for a dollar each. A DOLLAR EACH. THAT'S SO COOL. Not to mention, they were original VHS tapes. Call me a hipster, but that's so cool to me. Like, I know how VHS is old news and everything is DVD/Blu-Ray now, but I still have a working VHS player. WHY SHOULDN'T I USE IT?

Anyway, I bought seven VHS's. Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Aladdin, Mouse Hunt, Anastasia, and Beauty and the Beast. Four of those are official-line-up Disney Princesses. The rest are just awesome!

So far, from the princess movies, I am just a few away from finishing the whole collection. I have Snow White, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, and Rapunzel. I just need Cinderella, Mulan, and Tiana to finish the collection! SO CLOSE.

Well, tonight I tried to sleep, to no avail. I found myself just laying in bed, facing my insomnia head on without anything to at least keep me entertained while I ride it out. I decided to pull out my princess movies and start watching.

I've re-watched Little Mermaid, Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Beauty and the Beast. Now I'm working on Tangled, though it's obviously not a VHS.

In an odd way, I've sort of reaffirmed that I like Tangled the most out of all the princess movies. By watching the older ones, I've realized what I don't like about them. They're sweet princesses, but...

Ariel has always bothered me. She seems so selfish, and acts like the worst kind of teenager. She's stubborn and will do things on a whim, despite being advised against what she's facing. Because of her actions, she puts others in danger and doesn't seem to equate the bad situations to her own actions. I guess I mean that she doesn't seem to see the consequences of her actions and how they affect others. She doesn't accept her due blame, and it makes me feel like she's just entitled and conceited.

Belle is definitely more likable than Ariel, in my book. Belle seems to be resourceful and genuine. Belle seems to have consideration for others and I love that she has an appreciation for books and literacy. I feel like out of all the princesses, she's probably one of the smartest. Although she can kind of get herself into danger due to her trying to help others, I feel like the fact that she wants to make sure others are in good situations makes her a better person. She still felt kind of bland though. I don't know what it was, but I think that she didn't have enough that defined her as a person other than these two things. Books, and being nice.

Anyway. I'm gonna finish watching my movie! Mother Gothel just found the princess crown in Rapunzel's tower, and this is where the fun part begins.

Welp.

I haven't written in a while. A long while. And I apologize for that. Sincerely.

My birthday is in six days and the Future Husband's birthday is in three. How awesome are we that we have birthdays so close to one another?

Anyway, on a side note, I've made it an amazing little hobby of finding out where girls got their wedding dresses. I've discovered four dresses of four different girls thus far, using minute details about the girls and their dresses, and have continued on with lightning speed at finding these things out. I've found a few based on designers, and others because of complete accidents, but one way or another, I've found I'm really good at this wedding-dress-finding game.

Now I just can't wait until someone figures out where my dress comes from <3 The best part is? You'll never find it. It's been discontinued and I will be the last girl to wear this dress from this store. It's not even on their website anymore.

Life has reached a point where I just can't. I know for a lot of you that probably doesn't make sense. If you're a tumblr person and have any sense of fandom, you'll realize immediately what this means.

I can't. It's not the usually fandom-induced "I can't." Instead it's the fragile real-life-is-beckoning I can't.

I'm quitting my job. I nearly broke my ribs, lost my voice, and have put on so much stress-related weight that it's not even funny. I can't.


For a little commentary on things outside of my own life, I find that the world is still spinning, which is weird. Time has seemed to stand completely still for the last few months and although I kind of knew that life has been happening all this time for everyone else, I don't think I fully realized it until my brothers started school, my friends in California went back to college, and I skipped school to take a mental health day.

Life is weird the way it never stops until you're gone.

Baby's First Bridal Show

Why do Fill-in-the-Blank baby books always stop at like... year two? I don't think I've ever seen a baby book go past maybe age four at the most.

This comes up mostly because I recently had the chance to look through my Grandma's office supplies to steal a few school supplies for my Creative Writing class. (Namely a notebook and a legal pad) During my rummaging, I stumbled upon an old book. It was grey with a silver border around the cover of it. It was no bigger than an average children's book, if not smaller than one. I opened it up.

It was the baby book of my great-grandmother, dated back to 1925. The book had different sections for different stages of a son or daughter's life that you could fill in with your own information. Though there weren't many pages, the book went up to the day the child got married. I thought that was neat.

I mean, think about it. They're still your child regardless of how old they are. Shouldn't every achievement be special?

As I thought about this, I kind of laughed to myself about titling everything "Baby's first _______"

baby's first haircut
baby's first steps
baby's first words
baby's first day at school
baby's first friendships
baby's first day at junior high
baby's first best friend
baby's first boyfriend/girlfriend
baby's first time getting dumped.
baby's first graduation day
baby's first day at college


Just imagine a baby doing all those things. I laughed really hard at the idea of my first bridal show going into a baby book.

Well that leads into my next part. I'm going to a bridal show tomorrow with my future sister-in-law, Jessica, and I'm pretty stoked. I'm so stoked, I can't even sleep. How counterproductive, right?

Anyway. Jared's at work all night, and I feel kind of bad for him. This is one of three graveyard shifts he has to pull and I can't help but hope that he isn't permanently put on as the night auditor. I can tell it kind of vaguely pulls him off his mental cycle, and although I'm sure he could adjust over time, for now it's very much not a fun time for him.

Pull together, my love! :(

This is my Theme Song

Come on, come on
You have got to move on
This is not the you i know
This isn't real
It's just all you can feel
And that's the way that feelings go
And whether or not it's right or wrong you'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

Say what you will but the time that we fill
While we're on the earth
Should not be alone
We were meant to be known
You make me what i'm worth
But i can't keep you from yourself; you'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

I don't know why it has to be this way and
I don't know the cure
But please believe someone has felt this before

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

I found this song while shopping at the mall a few weeks back. Usually when I hear songs that I like, I type out some of the lyrics into my phone and save it as a draft. Then later, I look up the lyrics and find out the song.

I'm glad I looked them up. Most times, I just ignore the drafts after a while. But I looked this one up.

I feel like this song describes me perfectly. 

I'm so glad I've got it now :)

Living Life is the Best Choice I Ever Made

I've been spending the last week preparing for my new set of classes that start next week and all while doing so I've been dreading going back to school. Summer break is over? WHY? Not to mention, last semester was a total failure, so I'm definitely not excited for them to tell me that I essentially failed. But, I have to keep going to school, otherwise I'll be a sad camper when I wake up in the Summer of 2015 and realized I could have graduated at that point.

I've just been thinking about how busy I've been, and it makes me realize that... It might suck being so busy all the time, but at the same time, I'd go crazy just being locked up at home. I look at a lot of people I know and wonder how they can stand just sitting around the house all day, doing nothing and having no life outside of their little homes/apartments/general living spaces.

I mean, I don't have many friends at the moment, but at least I'm doing something to further my future.


I can't wait to graduate from school.... eghhhhh....

How Could it Already be July?

Apparently time decided to move and now it's July 2012. Weiiiiiird, right? I think so.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and it's unfortunate that most of it is incredibly large stresses that have come up in the last little while. I have no idea how I'm going to work out a lot of the huge problems that have come with life, and it seems to be immensely deterring me from feeling much happiness.

but we'll figure out a way to move on. We always do.

Real Life comes back in One Day.

This last week I've been fortunate to have off of both work and school. It's the first week of my three week break from school, and I requested the whole week off from work so I could go to California (Which I didn't end up doing... very bittersweet....)

And now that it is saturday, I have today and tomorrow to live out my free life before work comes back to haunt me. At least I don't have school, but I don't mind school. It'll be the beginning of a fantastic new semester so when it starts back up again, I won't be so angsty about it. (I hated last semester. I took all boring classes and wanted to shoot myself in half of them.)

I hate my job, honestly. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it.

I hate/love it.

I work at Kindercare Learning Center. I am a preschool teacher, and I float between teaching the two year olds and the toddlers. I love the kids. They're brilliant little minds and although they have their terror-inducing moments, they're all-in-all, the greatest little things to ever exist. They just have a way of making you love them, and you'll always love every little bit about them. Then they go and dump all the toys onto the floor, bully each other until they have beaten themselves senseless and you just want to cry because you still love them.

AND YOU NEVER CAN EXPLAIN WHY YOU STILL LOVE THEM.

That's why I love my job, and if I didn't have half of my artistic skill, I'd probably stay in this job forever and make it a career. But I don't. I don't because that'd be selling myself short. I have a gift and I feel like God intended for me to... you know... use it!

Anyway, I think the fact that I decided NOT to have this be a career is ruining me. The job is an all-or-nothing deal. You're either in or you're out. It's been so weird to be in this forced half-on, half-off. It just makes everything uncomfortable. I can't be there all the time, and when I am there, I'm dedicatedly there. I spend 8 hours there every day that I'm working, and when you spend that much time with rambunctious kids, you get tired.

I come home so worn out. It's not even funny anymore. I have no energy left by the time I'm done with work for school or for homework.

So that's what I'm doing today; putting in job applications. I'm looking for a new job, one where I'm not coming home over-exhausted and near tears as to how tired I am. Not to mention, I need a job where I still have time to do school work. And have a life. Yes. Because having a life is important. I miss having actual friends.

Anyway. I hope everyone has a good day!

The Flynn to my Rapunzel

Mr. Beyoncé-Fiancé fell asleep on my arm earlier and so I took this wonderful opportunity to take a picture. (A little bit without his knowledge.... oops.)

(also, I call him Beyoncé-Fiancé because not long after he proposed, we both had the sudden realization that those words rhyme. It's been stuck in my head ever since.)

Him falling asleep on my arm while I blog my heart out has got me so giggly. And a little bit thoughtful.

I've prided myself on being the girl that didn't need anyone to survive, that could be self reliant and strong even through the toughest of the tough.

and here I am, saying to myself "Okay, girl. By marrying this guy, you're committing to sharing that strength with someone else. You're committing to not only carrying your own burdens, but his as well."

"But it's okay" my thoughts spoke. "Because he's committing to the same exact thing."



I can't wait to spend eternity with this man. I. Cannot. Wait.

Wedding Invite website! :D

If you'd like an invitation to the wedding, please put your info down in this form.

www.bit.ly/KsUBNk

It's a website we made that runs through google docs. When you put in your information, it goes to a spreadsheet that only Jared and I have access to :)

So, y'know, random people on facebook won't see your address!

anyway, SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT :D you have time until march, but I thought I'd give the link now so people have it. I'll probably be posting it regularly on facebook and such so that way people remember to put in their infos.

Also, Anticipated number in Party means that you're bringing someone specifically with you, like family members or significant others. Don't count other friends that might be putting in their own information. These numbers are what we're giving our venue so they know how many people are showing up :) thanks!

A Bride.

At what point does one become a bride?

I know. What a seemingly stupid question. What a seemingly UNNECESSARY question. Why does it matter? Who cares?

But I'm serious. I thought about it for a moment. I don't really feel like some higher being on her way to marriage, carted into a new life or statehood. I just... I just feel like Lisa, a Lisa who is pledging her life to a Jared. Her Jared. My Jared.

Is that what being a bride is supposed to feel like? Just as it's always felt? Since this relationship started, somehow I knew this is what I was getting into and I just accepted it in a single stride. Does that mean I've been a bride the whole time? If so, I kind of feel a little ripped off. I don't feel any more special than I did before I got engaged. (Though I do feel more special than I did when I was single. Jared makes life more amazing than I could have ever expected.)

Or is a bride supposed to be a superficial jerk who spends her engagement bossing people around and feeling like a goddess because everyone is bending to her every whim? I mean, come on, she is "the bride." Right? Is the bride supposed to be ruler and queen and goddess until her wedding day when it's all over? She's SUPPOSED to be a bridezilla, right?

I really hope that's not what a bride is supposed to be.

Maybe you don't even become a bride until your wedding day. Maybe bridehood is when you're in your dress, prettied up and dancing your newly-wedded heart out with the man to whom you dedicated your life.

In that case, when does bridehood end? Does it end when you come back from the honeymoon and you've settled down? Does it end when you've consummated the marriage and then no one is interested anymore?

On a random tangent: I have this dark feeling inside me that no one legitimately cares that I'm engaged. I know my family is enthralled, but I feel like the friends Jared and I had/have, suddenly have grown upset or absent. I know that's a bounding accusation, but for some reason, I feel like everyone's just... apathetic. No one seems to really care about it. The only non-family person who seemed to genuinely care was the lady at the Disney store who asked me about my wedding when I told her I was buying the Rapunzel and Flynn Rider wedding dolls for a reason. Other than that, the only thing people seem to be interested in is why we're waiting "so long" to get married. Then when I tell them why, they only comment on how they're sorry that I have to wait ten months. JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME.

Also, it bothers me that people only have to say "You guys look related"when they comment on our pictures. You can just say "Aww cute." Even if it seems cliché, it's better than making me feel weird.

Anyway. Back on track.

Bridehood. The state of being a bride.

I guess I only thought about this because I've been buying things for the wedding in small amounts. (We do have time) And I thought it'd be more exciting than it's been. I thought people would be more willing to help or to come with me to these things, but so far it seems like my engagement has alienated me. I really don't care if people agree with it or not, but... I don't know. It'd be nice to at least have some  one telling me how cute we are and making me feel like I'm not just crazy for thinking this is the cutest relationship ever.

Ehh.

Putting Two-and-Two together.

I honestly don't care much for page views on this blog, as I really do tend to enjoy my privacy, as hard as it may seem to believe. (But I do mean it. Believe me, half the stuff I say in my head would NEVER even be considered to be posted here.) 

The insights that google gives me, however, are still interesting to look into every so often. I usually use that section to look and see if any posts have new comments and if I should bother to reply to them.

I think it's odd, though, that I finally decided to care about pageviews, and when I did, I found something interesting.

The posts with the most views are the ones in which I talk about my break up with Jared Whitmer, and when I talk about my wedding to Jared Dalton....

The outliers to this are two; my post about personality tests and my post with quotes that my friends and I had in 2011. Both of these have explanations. When people asked me about the personality test, I would link them back to my blog so they could find the test and take it themselves. The quote book post is one that my friends, Levi, Matt, Brent, and Nina, have a tendency to check back to often.

But as for the other posts, I have no reasoning behind them.

Of course my mind is coming up with a myriad of reasons, but I don't know anything for certain.

But I'm still wondering why. 

Things That Bo-.... well you get the picture.

I try my hardest to not do this, because normally I feel like people who primarily complain are not as fun as those who look at things realistically; taking in the good and the bad. I've been known to complain a bit, but I suppose as long as I include a good note at the end of this little blog post, I'll redeem myself of any bad karma associated with my little rant of Things that Bother Me.

I'm thinking of changing the name of my rant-posts from "Things that Bother Me" and turning it into "Things that Bother Me About Facebook." Inevitably all of my TTBM posts have been about people that do stupid things on Facebook. In this case, it isn't a list of things that have bothered me, it's one specific event.

It bothers me how public people can be about their relationships.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the hopeless romantic relationship. The mushy-gushy love that some people have can be rather poetic, especially if it's accompanied with a fantastic story. It's the Buffy and Angel, it's the Rapunzel and Eugene, it's the Taylor Swift songs and the Michael Bublé. It's the cheesy lines and the things that sound like crap out of romance novels that make the hopeless romantic relationship so intriguing.

I love the hopeless romantic relationship in movies, songs, novels that would never make sense if they happened in real life.

But I can't stand seeing my news feed riddled with "your effervescent beauty invigorates my soul" crap that makes me want to throw up and then choke on my own vomit. I think the hopeless romantic relationship should be stuck with the movies and in private. I swear I think I've seen over a hundred posts like this on my Facebook wall in the last few months, and although I think it's nice that you love your significant other, It just... it makes me so awkward to see these strangely worded love letters on the walls of people that I assumed would never fall into this kind of thing.

I kind of see it like public indecency. Every time I see these cheesy, gag-worthy letters of mush and ick, I can't help but feel like I've seen something at which I shouldn't look. I understand that for the couple, it may be completely acceptable. In my head, I see it like I saw Edward talking to Bella before they had sex in Breaking Dawn. It was all awkward, fake, forced, and everything seemed like it wasn't going to last long.

Yes. I read Breaking Dawn. Shut up.

Anyway, back on topic. In relation to Jared and I, we hardly ever post on facebook like that. I tried to do it once. I honestly thought that was how couples were supposed to act; like this hello-is-it-me-you're-looking-for type relationship. I learned the lesson against this in a quick moment after our facebook affair ended. I instantly felt awkward, and it made him awkward too. At the same time, however, Jared and I can get pretty mushy towards each other. It's gotten to the point where we've made each other cry tears of joy before, and I couldn't ask for anything more beautiful by that.

I think about those moments, those times where we cry in joy together because we're so glad we have each other, and then I think about everyone watching us, and instantly I'm relieved that we were able to have that just be a moment between the two of us. I know I'm telling you about it now, but saying it now doesn't do the moment nearly enough justice for how it felt to be there with him.

And I don't want the world to see us like that. Not because I think it's shameful, but because I think it's... well, in a way, sacred. We're going to the temple to share this love for time and all eternity. There's a reason those sacred moments aren't widely discussed either. I'm not trying to sound uppity or better than anyone else. I'm sure if someone else feels like being all hopeless-romantic-y on facebook and feels its appropriate, then I fully commend them to go ahead and do it, so long as I can block it out and not have to see it. As for me, I intend to keep the intricacies of my heart to the one man that deserves to see them the most.

And I do realize the slight hypocrisy there; that statement in of itself is a little romantic-like, but I honestly couldn't word it any other way without derailing the meaning behind it.

Anyway, I feel good about having my slight admission of love for Jared as my good piece of karma, so I'll end this here :)

<3 Night!

The Avengers, Draper Temple, and WHERE DO I START?

So I'm gonna tell you our proposal story because, as I'm sure, a lot of people want to know. It's a wild, romantic tale of grand... okay well maybe not that big. But it's very "Lisa and Jared"-esque.

Well it started out with just... calmness. Jared's brother and his brother's wife were coming down to AF from Logan, so we were waiting on them until we could go see The Avengers. We saw it at the Cinemark in AF with Taylor (his sister), Sean (his brother), and Jessica (his sister-in-law).

Avengers = Awesome. I feel bad if you haven't seen it yet, because it is the most amazing thing ever.

Anyway, after that, we went up to the Draper Temple. It's my favorite temple in the area because of all the color around it, and how at night you can see the valley all lit up below it.

His dad took a bunch of pictures, and I realized what was happening.

He was gonna propose.

I'm ten months away from becoming Mrs. Lisa Dalton. 

(March 30th, 2013)

Now comes the hard/interesting part... wedding planning.

I've essentially already picked out my dress. I have had it stuck in my head for the last few months and now it's just become an issue of when I can go with my mom and grandma to go (hopefully!) purchase it. I'd post pictures, but I don't want to run a chance of my fiancé seeing the dress :P

I've already decided I want to get married in the Draper Temple for the aforementioned reasons, and now that the date has essentially been set, it seems like now my head is wanting to plunge headfirst into this.

I just don't know where to go from here. I've already asked the girls I want to have as bridesmaids if they'd like to be my bridesmaids. (Sorry to those who I didn't ask. With exception to Nina, all my bridesmaids are local, thus cutting out the hassle of long-distance dress shopping. I don't really want to deal with that.)

I suppose I could figure out the wedding band, but I'm not sure if that's necessarily the next step? I just don't know WHAT the next step should be... Favors and decorations, perhaps? Should I just chill out and wait until the date is closer? Venue, maybe? Who knows. Right now, I'm just confused.

So if someone would like to clue me in on how this whole thing works, I'm sure I'll need the help.

Personal Revelation comes in all Shapes and Sizes

I admittedly love that a bunch of people I know are getting married. It used to bother me, and I mean that in a pretty big way. It used to bother me because I feared getting older. I feared getting older so much that I had almost forgotten that I'm not seventeen anymore. Anytime I'd introduce myself to new people, I'd forget that I'm already more than halfway to nineteen and would slip out seventeen instead. Now, I realize that there's no reason to fear getting older because it happens whether I like it or not, and although I'm still not fully comfortable with the fact that I'm gaining responsibilities that I didn't have before, I'm finding ways to enjoy it as much as I fear it.

This isn't my personal revelation. This is leading up to it.

On a handy little website called "FaceBook", I can see whom of my friends is getting married. This time it happened to be a girl from my drama class. I had long deleted her in one of my we-don't-really-talk-anymore purges and, out of sight, out of mind, I hadn't thought about her much until recently.

She had a gorgeous ring. And I'm talking RING, like, the rock on that thing rivaled rings I couldn't even DREAM of owning. Okay, so maybe it wasn't QUEEN OF ENGLAND grand, but it was still amazing, and would take ANY girl's breath away to have it presented to her.

I'll admit, I was jealous at first. I sat there and thought about Jared and I, and how little our ring is.

No, he hasn't officially proposed yet, but the reason I know what the ring looks like is because my mom gave it to us.

It's little. This is a bigger picture of it. When I actually get engaged, I'll show you the real thing. Mine also has a little bit less of a shine to it, due to age. This one pictured is platinum, also, and mine is white gold. Little differences, but differences nonetheless.

Anyway. I looked at this girl's huge ring. I thought about mine. I looked at her ring, and then thought about mine.

Initially? Jealous. Insanely so.

But then I stopped. I looked at the ring again and then looked at my hand. I looked around and saw a few things around my floor and then looked at the ring

Her ring wasn't me. It wasn't sentimental. It was a huge rock with a shiny sign that read "NOT LISA" on it. I looked back around my room and then back at my hand. (Although the ring wasn't/isn't there yet, I've grown a habit of gesturing to my hand whenever I think about Jared and I.) My MOTHER gave us our ring. She didn't have to. 

So this is my personal revelation: People come in different shapes and sizes. So do things. And when the things reflect the person inside is when you find really valuable things, not because they cost a million dollars. When you find things that carry sentimentality and meaning to you is when you've found something amazing.

I love my ring, and I love my Jared. and I wouldn't want any of this any other way.

Also, I wish my friend the best of luck with everything! <3

Stressful? You betcha.

I'm starting to care less and less about school. It's kind of sad to say, but it's true. I honestly don't really care. I get so bored in my classes, and then they pile stress onto me about it. Yes, homework is important, but I just don't have time. And I feel like I'm not learning anything new half the time.


I mean, sure, I could learn something new in these classes, and I'm certainly not going to just quit school.

But I don't think I've ever had such an extreme lack of motivation to do anything. Work isn't this bad either, but then again, all I have to do for work is show up and then not worry about it when I get back home.

Things are tough. I hate that time seems to be moving slower than anything else, and that I can't seem to find a comfortable spot to just... relax in.

Mom suggested telling my boss that I can only work one day a week, which would be sufficiently nice, but at the same time, I don't know if I can handle that much of a pay cut. I don't know if I could do that to the center either. At that point, they might as well just let me go and find someone that can work more hours. I couldn't handle leaving the kids either. Although they're hardly angels, I'd feel like I was letting them down by leaving them.

I guess that's why so many people feel like they're stuck in this line of work; They could leave at any moment, but they love the kids and it makes them stay. 

On a side note, I might be carrying one or both of the two viruses that cause Hand Foot Mouth. Wonderful.... Did I mention that I love my toddlers?

PROMISE RING?!

It's so adorable I might die O___O


Just a promise ring for now while we get the money to actually get married. :P <3

The Wedding Blues

Today wasn’t necessarily a “sad day” just as it was an uneventful day, and then my own brain decided to throw in a little solemnity. 

Well, for those who don’t know, my boyfriend and I are kind of considering marriage. Crazy, right? Sure is! But that’s not what weirds me out. What makes me sad about this is the fact that I’m a sort of dreamer when it comes to weddings/receptions. Normally, I think in highly practical ways. I never think about things that are completely improbable. A reception is an entirely different story. 

I am a princess at heart. I’ve always been like this, but I set my expensive tastes aside for things that are simultaneously practical and inexpensive. 

I dream of having a beautiful Tangled-themed reception, except instead of a pink/purple/gold color scheme, have a red/gold/pink, and have a lot of tangled references within the wedding. I’ve already found a tutorial for some adorable lanterns (http://tinyurl.com/c97nekl) that could be painted gold and red or gold and pink, and my friend and I have been working on figuring out how Jared and I could have our own lantern-lighting thing outside. As you’ve probably seen, I’m an artist, and so I plan on doing a lot of Tangled-themed art with Jared and I as the subjects. I’ll frame them in gold frames and put them on the tables alongside roses and the lantern jars. The tables will also have tea lights to create some nice lighting, a little shimmer against the glasses and china.

My aunt does catering, and would probably cater the reception for free just as a wedding gift, so I’m not worried about that. She even has fancy plates that I love, so… I’ve almost got that covered. I just worry about all the other things I have ideas for.

I’ve even got an idea for what I want the location to be like. I refuse to have a normal Utah wedding where you get in your local Mormon church building and pretend that you’re not dancing on top of a bunch of lines from a combination basketball/volleyball court and that the hoops themselves are actually just decorations from the building… I want a fantastic building like Noah’s (http://mynoahs.com/), where you can drape chiffon from the ceiling and have it accent your center point, where you can dim the lights so everything seems mildly romantic and amazing, like you’re actually outside where the lanterns have been lit and the atmosphere is amazing. I want a wedding where people will come in and be amazed. I want them to never forget it.

I imagine my hair in a half-up/half-down braided crown with a gold tiara on top, and the veil coming down from the base of the braided part. I’ve chosen a few dresses that I’m absolutely in love with, and my friend (aka schitzophrenicrainbows.tumblr.com) made me a fantastic red cloak with the most soft velvet I think I’ve ever felt. My bridesmaids dresses have essentially already been picked out, and are absolutely gorgeous. I found an inexpensive, yet darling ring that I hope I can unsuspiciously thrust upon my boyfriend should he decide to propose.

Fact of it is, I’ve got all of this planned out in my head. It’s been this way long before I even knew who my boyfriend was, and I love it. The only problem? Now that it’s almost a reality; now that I can practically taste the engagement on the horizon… 

I realize that I’m poor. I don’t have any money to make this happen, and although I do have relatives, and although I do have people who care… It instantly puts the power in their hands. It won’t be my wedding anymore. It’ll be Lisa and Jared… and Everyone else who stuck their hands in my wedding pie.

I guess I’m just nervous. I don’t think I can do it. And I worry that because of that, I’ll have to settle for either a reception with everyone else’s ideas except my own, or the stereotypical “Utah” reception; basketball court with a few uncovered plastic tables and the “WONDERFUL” fluorescent lighting. 

Obviously I have time to worry about this. It’s just hitting me harder than ever tonight and I needed to rant it out.

So I'm finally gonna bring it up.

For some, this won't be much of a surprise. For others, it'll be the strangest thing ever to hear from my lips/blog.

But I think, if things go the way they're headed, I'll probably be engaged by the end of this summer.

I don't want to sit here and say "Jared Dalton is the most unique and amazing person I've ever met and it's true love and he's Mr. Right and lalalalalala~" because that's not necessarily the case.

He's the realistic portrait of whom I want to marry. He's sweet, he's caring, and he's loyal. He's trusting and kind, almost to an unbelievable level. I love him. He's also logical and realistic. We have similar styles of humor, we know things about each other that we wouldn't tell anyone else. My Jared knows how to communicate clearly. He's smart and I could tell him anything. He compliments me when I feel my worst AND when I feel my best. He knows me and treats me like a human being-- no... like a princess, a daughter of God, should be treated.

That is only half of Jared.

He isn't very intuitive. He can't tell when I'm happy or sad most of the time unless I tell him how I feel. He has a failure complex - He can't handle feeling like he's failed something. He has some self-esteem issues and can be incredibly awkward at times. He can be pretty gullible, too.

I'm not expecting this to be an easy choice, but it's one I want to make. I want to spend eternity with him.


Anyway, the main reason this came up was because my Grandpa told me that he thinks Jared is the right match for me. I went to my grandpa to ask him what he thought of Jared, and to my surprise, my grandpa had apparently already long decided that Jared was an excellent man to have in our family.

We had a touching conversation, and both of us nearly cried in joy. My grandpa is an astoundingly wonderful man. I couldn't imagine marrying someone he didn't approve of, and knowing that he thinks Jared is good, just makes me giddy.

Watch out world! I'mma be a Dalton soon enough!

Education.

Today's post was, yet again, Facebook-Inspired.

This is Sean. He is my boyfriend's brother. He's a pretty big nerd, like unto his wife, Jared, and myself.

He posted this status today and I couldn't help but think about college. What makes it a waste and what makes it beneficial?

I chose to go to art school because I don't have to take a bunch of stupid classes that don't apply to my major. I pretty much am/will be taking 80% Animation-directed classes, and 20% general classes. Because I know that I definitely WANT to be an animator, this is an ideal course of study. I don't end up wasting two years of my life taking classes that don't really help me. I'm mostly taking classes that will directly help me in my field of study. Yes I have a few generals. I am taking a history class next term. But in proportion to the other classes? My generals are cake.

I don't know Sean's situation, but I know that Jared, his brother, has a similar feeling toward college. I used to have the same feeling until I started going to a college that actually helps me out. As far as I know, Jared has this feeling because he is stuck taking classes that he doesn't think he can pass. For Sean, I'm not sure. But I understand Jared's thought process. Why dig yourself into debt and fail? (Also, Jared is a little directionless. Why dig yourself into debt following a path if you don't even know where you want to go?)

College seems to be this big demanding thing. "You HAVE to go to college if you want to be successful."

I think what is lacking here in this statement is the definition of success. For me, success is being happy. Success is being able to say that you are happy with where your life is at that given moment in time.

Happiness can be money, in which case, college is probably going to be necessary. For others, happiness is having a family and raising kids, in which case you don't need a college degree to get pregnant. (Although still, I would recommend having a good job if you're going to have kids.)

I'm not saying that college is a waste of time. I'm just saying that college should only be important to those who need it or those who benefit from it. Yes, I think people need a higher education to make good money nowadays, but I don't think people should make it seem like an absolute necessity to have a college education. 

I dunno. What's your view?

The Good, the Bad, and the Peaceful.

Yesterday was a fantastic day. March 1st, 2012 should have gone down in history for me as one of the best days ever. Though I was in severe pain for most of it, Jared (AKA the Boyface) came over to help me cope with it. Most of the day was spent watching Buffy, playing Phase 10, and eating ice cream with Jared. Definitely a good day.

The reason it ISN'T going down in history for me is because of what happened today.

I logged onto facebook about a half hour ago to discover an old friend from elementary school had added me. I had sent the request months ago while in a nostalgic mood and hadn't made a point to get around to deleting the request. We hadn't spoken in years, and even when we did attend the same elementary school, we didn't exactly hang out with the same people. As a matter of fact, he was the popular kid who had a ton of friends, and I was the new girl who showed up halfway through fourth grade and didn't have any friends. We had to share a desk in fourth grade because I had just moved there, and there were no other desks. I remember having the biggest crush on him. If you read my journals from when I was that young, everything is his name scribbled out between words I wasn't quite sure how to use yet. Even through our acquaintanceship, the effect he had on me was truly one that had lasted through even junior high and high school. I remembered feeling like my life had been lived when I finally was able to muster up the courage to ask for a hug on the last day of sixth grade, the last day I would ever see him again. I left Upland to attend El Roble Intermediate. He went to Pioneer. We never saw each other again, but he was still a huge factor in my life for fourth, fifth, and sixth grade, and although we never really even talked, he still meant a lot to me. These memories passed by in my head in an instant. I looked at the screen and thought to myself, "Maybe I should just delete him. We probably have both moved on since elementary school."

But of course, I was curious to see what he had done with his life since 2005 when we both left Sycamore Elementary of Upland, California. If I was going to delete him, I might as well just.. have my moment to facebook stalk. Quietly see how the years had treated him like they treated me, and then move on.

I should have seen how odd it was that he finally accepted my request. In the end, it wasn't him who added me as a friend. It was his sister.

The second I clicked on his page, I sensed something was amiss. As I glanced around the page, I could hardly breathe. Several phrases stood out to me as my eyes scrolled over the wall posts flooding his page.
"Miss you."
"Love you."
"You were a great friend."
"RIP."

I sat in awe. Had... Had my first crush really... died? What had happened over the years for someone to die so young?

I went through the posts, hoping someone would have said something that could shed some light. They all sounded pretty much average, not letting out details, but hinting to some sort of "this should teach everyone a lesson."

I sat in shock, unsure of what to do. I looked around. The last time I'd seen posts like this was when Jordan Roberts killed himself and everyone talked about how his suicide was a lesson to all those involved in a similar situation. I looked around but didn't see anyone regretting to help him. That is usually a big sign that it was a suicide.

It wasn't until I regained some bit of brain function that I remembered that Google exists now and spent what felt like hours (and was actually only five minutes) finding an article about his death.

No, he hadn't committed suicide, but the autopsy hasn't been done yet so I can't factually tell you how he died. But I did find a helpful article that explains what happened in ways that aren't even registering with me yet.

You can read it here if you so choose.

So, RIP Kenny Beck. I'm sorry it had to end this way, but at least now the worst is over.

I'm a person who has been lucky enough that the graces of death have only distantly touched my life, however, I still find it awkward to just continue life as if theirs had not been taken.

For those who might see me today, please don't be awkward if you find me wearing a lot of black and not speaking much. For those who want to do something about this, please don't. It's my giving-respect-to-an-old-friend time.

I just can't believe he's gone.

Not Sleeping

I don't generally sleep well before big events like Christmas, my birthday, or any event in which something amazing is going to happen. In this case, I can't sleep because tomorrow is Valentine's Day, as well as the day of my Orientation for school, and my job interview for Kindercare. Then afterwards, my boyfriend, Jared, has something planned for me. I'm just not aware of what it is. He's a good guy and surprising me ;)

In other news, I bought a dress today.

I censor'd out my derp face and phone because... well... it was just a weird look and I only had my camera phone and a mirror. I haven't had time since buying the dress to take a legitimately good picture, so this will have to do.

This dress first came to my life when I was looking online at Torrid's stuff. I got a gift card to Torrid for Christmas, so decided I needed to spend it. I saw this dress and instantly fell in love. I drove up to the Torrid in the South Towne Mall and brought along Amanda for emotional support. She was great. I bought the dress and then we visited a friend out in Midvale, you know, since we were already out that direction anyway. He made us coffee (which was amazing, by the way. There are perks to being friends with people who work at coffee shops.) and then we headed down in the complete opposite direction to pick up my boyfriend from work down in Orem.

Then I came home, ate some "dinner" and then tried to sleep, which hasn't been working for the last four or so hours. Like I said, I have my school's orientation tomorrow morning, and then a job interview after. I just hope I can nap between my job interview, and the time when Jared told me to be ready for our Valentine's date. Otherwise, I might accidentally fall asleep during said date.... though to be honest, I rarely ever fall asleep whilst doing things. I'll probably just end up being crotchety if I don't get at least a little nap in between my interview and our date.

I'd rather NOT put Jared through that. He came to my house once while I was really crotchety, and my mom just so happened to be in a similar mood. When my mom and I get into arguments, we don't really yell, but we get REALLY catty and mean. It always works out in the end, but while we argue, it always feels weird. I hated having him see that, but honestly, he would have seen it at some point, and he didn't seem to be scared off by it. If anything, he was interested in how my mom and I worked and functioned together, even through the hardest parts of it.

Anyway. I should probably try sleeping, you know, before it's dawn and I regret not at least putting in a little MORE effort to try and not go insane.

Another Installment of Things that Bother Me.

It seems unfortunate that my second "Things That Bother Me" post was also inspired by stupid things people have put on facebook. In this case, though, I was inspired by a happy situation turned sad.

I'll talk about that last, though.

LISA'S LIST OF THINGS THAT BOTHER ME... AGAIN...

1. The phrase "Husband and Wife"

I honestly can't explain why, but every single time I hear a significantly older person say the words "husband and wife" I cringe and die a little inside. I think it's because a good majority of the time that an old person has said this to me, it's in some sort of wonky advice that I'm not ready for just yet. I've had this weird sort of stigma against old people giving younger people advice. Not necessarily because I think the older people are wrong, but because a lot of the time, times have changed. Things that worked for them aren't always going to work for the younger generation. I mean, they can give advice to those who are younger, within reason, but if I'm 18 and you're almost hitting 70, your situation-specific advice to me probably isn't going to help much. I mean, I'm kind of an offbeat person. Conservative advice isn't my forte, and that's generally all the old people in my life have to give me.

I love the older people in my life, but it's my life. And if your advice applies and is solid, then yes I will take it... but... guuhh...

Anyway. Every time an older person uses that phrase, I just think "Why can't you just use different words?"


2.  People who change their relationship status on Facebook as a joke.

I understand if you're a close friend with someone. I love having a lot of close friends. But please. Don't be in a relationship on facebook with them if you're NOT ACTUALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. It's bothersome. It is incredibly misleading and really annoying, especially because I find that those who do it, are usually the really desperate single girls who never get any guys BECAUSE they are so desperate. Those kinds of girls irk me. The only thing they have to talk about is how they're lonely, and how "You should be SOOOOO happy you have someoneeeeee~"

I'll admit, I've been that kind of desperate girl before, and although it isn't something I'm proud of, I still never set my facebook relationship status to anything other than the truth.

AND LASTLY!

3. Parents who parent.... on Facebook.

A parent who parents over FB is NOT a parent who posts their kid's pictures on their wall. A parent who parents over facebook is a parent who does things like... like posting little parenting messages on their walls.

My mom once told me to go to bed via facebook because I was online at about 3 AM and she noticed that I had posted a status. That's different. It's when you full on give your children public talks about things you don't like about what they're doing with their lives that bothers me.

This stemmed from my friend's newly found relationship. She posted a status about missing her boyfriend, and her mom unloaded completely on her, giving her a full "Sex-until-marriage" speech right there in public.

I don't think her mom intended to do any harm. The speech was well within her rights as a parent... But the status was so innocent. It lead me to believe this wasn't the first time her mother was using this speech with her, and in a world where people judge you pretty intensely for these kinds of things, I just... I just felt sick. Not because of what could possibly be a girl who has made unorthodox decisions, but because of her mother's public attitude toward it. If I were struggling with something like this, I wouldn't want my mother to post about it on my facebook. That's just unnecessary and scary and rude and all sorts of things that make me sad. I know her mother wasn't trying to do any harm, and in fact was trying to help, but honestly, I just... I felt so sick thinking about this poor girl and what her mother's  incredibly public sex talk was doing to her emotionally.

If you're a parent, please. Keep those kinds of things between you and your kids. If you are a kid, please be open to communication with your parents, lest everyone in your facebook life be involved in the situation as well.


<3 Lisa

We're All Just Wonderful.

I finally got a picture of me and the Jared thing.

Ain't we adorable?? :D

Anyway. Aside from a nice day with The Jared, I spent today worrying. I know, really counter productive, but I did. I got to spend time with Amanda, which was nice and not stressful AT ALL, but then Jared came with me to my Grandparent's house, which was... nice, yet scary at the same time. I love him, and my grandparents... I just hoped they'd like him too. It seemed to go well, so that's definitely good.

I'm really nervous for Single's Ward tomorrow. I'll be there accompanied by people who absolutely loathe me at this moment, and Jared. I'm so thankful that he'll be there. I think I'd die if I have to go alone. I just keep thinking about being strong, going to church anyway even though I know those who might be there will absolutely tear me apart inside. I'm going for me, and I can't just stop that because people don't like me right now. 

I keep looking at this picture Jared and I took today. I keep thinking about how I sacrificed to be with him, and how this is worth the pain that a days-of-our-lives friendship circle I've been simultaneously blessed and cursed with. I look at this picture and know that at least if people hate me, I've got someone helping me to stand straight and stay strong. That's all I could ask for right now. 

<3

Trying!

So I'm officially signed up for school. Now I just have to worry about a monthly payment for student loans.

It's so odd... I am so excited to see where school takes me... but at the same time... I worry so much about the money. I suppose getting a job will help :3


<3

This is It.

If there's anything life has taught me the last few days, is that there are some things in life that cannot be changed, though you try and try.

And things that DO change, are meant to be changed, regardless of how much it makes you sad that you're no longer living in the life you had imagined you were in.

My iTunes keeps playing sad songs and although it's very well-placed for my recent moods, it's also rather depressing to think that my iTunes seems to know something about me that I didn't/couldn't exactly teach to it. There always seems to be something human about some objects, doesn't there? I mean, my iTunes currently keeps playing a lot of "I'm alone and sad and junk" music yet I didn't personally turn to my iTunes and say "Hey. I lost a couple friends today. Do you think you could remind me of this every time I hit the next button? Thanks, iTunes." The same seems to apply to my other programs as well.

Photoshop has a tendency to be nicer to me when I'm feeling down, as it usually is such a jerk to me when I'm happy, and it probably helps it sleep at night when it feels like it has helped my mood somehow.  It let me make a few artsy pieces today in light of, as mentioned earlier, losing a couple friends. Skype seemed to want to get out of my way, although Skype has a tendency to do that all the time. Chrome is the soulless one in the group. Chrome seems to work regularly regardless of my mood, running mostly smoothly at essentially every use.

I've long been aware that growing up is a necessary thing and that it requires more than just a mature mind and a drive to make it out there, but it isn't until you're thrown out of a moving bus that makes you realize that it'll never be easier than it was before everything changed.

Things are hard. Money, friends, school. It's harder to make it out there in the real world. I'm slowly learning how close to this edge I am. (And unfortunately for Lady Gaga and I, there is no glory on this edge. And I am not going to be hanging onto this moment long.) I just wish there wasn't someone pushing me. I constantly use this analogy in my journals; I'm like a bird that has just been hatched, and instead of learning how to fly, I've been pushed out of the nest. I have to hope I can figure it out before I slam against the pavement and die.

Death in this case, a representation of essentially leading a miserable life for the rest of eternity.

Cell phone bills, rent, insurance payments....

All looming over me as though a future of hating my job and being miserable is soon to rain like acid through my body.

If there's anything this has taught me, it is that the world sucks, and if I let it, it will drain all the fun out of me.

Well, I'm telling you world, I'm not going down without a fight.

Too Nervous, Can't Sleep.

Tomorrow is Sunday, or rather, Today is Sunday. It's currently 4 AM

and I can't sleep.

Boyface invited me to dinner at his house tomorrow night. It'll be the first time I meet his parents as his girlfriend, as apposed to meeting them as the best friend of their daughter.... odd, right?

But anyway. I'm so nervous and excited, that I find it incredibly difficult to sleep.... But hopefully I'll be able to sleep soon.


Good thing church starts at one.... Phew.

What to Say.

Whenever things get really good for me, I feel like something is wrong. I don't know how it happens, but whenever I feel really happy for an extended period of time, I start feeling like something is just going to go wrong and tear down whatever it is that has made me happy. I honestly can't explain it. Maybe I'm just oddly hormonal. Maybe I'm just used to having to barely make it along, and now that I'm actually enjoying life, I feel out of place. It's incredibly self destructive, and I'm trying to work out of it.

I guess I'm just stuck in a huge rut. Not going to school and not having a job has really put a damper on my esteem. I think once I get moving again, I'll feel better, but for now, I'm just... I feel a little lost.

I don't know. Aghh... D;

In better news, I've taken up my drawing projects back up a little more, and I hope to be a little more active in my art. I've been doing a lot of fashion design and such. I'd love to design wedding gowns for a living <3

The Woman's Post.

If you are a male, or are easily offended by talk of periods and other things that women have to endure, then I suggest you leave now. If you are okay with reading about those kinds of things, then I fully endorse you reading this blog post.

Some women are born lucky, I guess. Some women are not.

It's amazing how many men don't realize exactly how painful a woman's period can be. I'm not asking for special treatment just because I feel like it, but maybe, just maybe, I'm going through incredible pain and literally feel almost incapacitated to do anything myself. Some men just don't realize how bleeding just... sucks... I mean, imagine when you get a bloody nose. Yeah those suck, don't they? now imagine having that all the time for five days, possibly longer, and still being expected to function at a normal everyday level. Not only that, but hey! You also have to feel like your pelvis just got in a fist fight with a sumo wrestler and lost.

Not to mention, the only time you WON'T have your period, is when you're pregnant, which I hear is one of the worst pains to feel.

I swear. It seems like women have to deal with all the bodily pain and most men only think about how hard their lives are. </rant>

Why I Identify with Rapunzel.

The Disney Princesses, and other notable characters, have been notable parts of my life since I was a child, beginning with the simple joy of watching television with my grandparents. As I grew older, the princesses began meaning less to me. For a while, life became about worrying, worrying about everything I couldn't control. Junior high happened. Anyone who has been through Junior High knows. It will strip you of your childhood.

Anyway. When I got into high school and things in my life began to turn even worse than they were before, I found my method of coping came from cute things. This is when I fell in love with lolita fashion, which, if you google that, make sure you don't go toward the book. Because then you'll end up with a book about child rape. If you look for the fashion, you'll get the fashion.

Lolita fashion made me feel better about things I couldn't control.

And soon that molded into a love for princesses, and feeling like a princess.

Specifically, I tend to identify with Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel, Rapunzel moreso than Aurora, but those two seem to be my... Guardian Princesses? I guess?

Sleeping Beauty was more of an envy thing. I've had sleep issues since the day I was born, and my nickname as a kid was always Sleeping Beauty. Somehow this worked.

But anyway. When Tangled came out, I found myself relating to her mother-daughter issues. Her seclusion...

I'm not really able to go into details. and I've basically just pulled an all-nighter, so I don't imagine any of this makes a wink of sense, but Rapunzel is kind of... the princess I am. I've loved having my hair long for ever. I cried when I had to cut it short. I love it when people brush my hair, and I've always been one to feel pressured by my mother. Now, granted, my relationship with my mother isn't necessarily that bad, but we have our moments.

Anyway. this probably makes more sense to me. I don't feel like doing anything else with this. Just thought I'd bring up the fact that I identify with Rapunzel.

Also, I associate my friends with princesses occasionally too. Amanda is Anastasia Romanov. Even though historically, she died with the rest of her family. I mean the Fox Movie Anastasia.

<3

So... I have some news...

I guess I have a boyfriend now. His name is Jared Dalton.

I know just stating that is a kind of anti-climactic way of bringing it up, but this relationship has really thrown me for a loop. The story of us coming together is so odd and strange, that honestly, I'm kind of surprised that this is happening now. Although we're not yet "facebook official" (which I think is a stupid thing to get worried about.) We plan to relatively soon, once he tells his family. Because. I mean, who wants to find out their brother/son/step son is in a relationship... through facebook?

But anyway. Since not many people frequent my blog, and those who do are my close friends (<3) I figured it wouldn't do much harm to talk about this. I don't know that his family reads my blog, and the only one who might, pretty much already knows. So.

To talk about this, I'm going to give an account of how we met, not because I feel like gloating to the single world, but because it is truly a story of... strangeness and questions I can't answer.

I moved back to American Fork, Utah from California on the day after Christmas. For a while, I didn't do a whole lot but spend a lot of time with family. It was the holidays, and my brother's birthday is five days after Christmas, and then finally came New Year's.

No I didn't kiss him on New Year's. That would have made EVERYTHING so much simpler. As a matter of fact, he wasn't at my New Year's party. I hung out with a couple friends and played Harry Potter-themed Clue and watched Cee Lo Green butcher a good song.

I actually didn't meet him until New Year's Day, which was a Sunday. It was my first Sunday in a single's ward, so I decided to tag along with my two friends from the night before.

And of course, Jared happened to be a relatively new friend I just hadn't met before I moved. My two friends introduced us, and he began asking questions. Not like, your average "where are you from and what's your name?" type questions, but like... "What's your life like at home? What's your story?"

I love to talk. Well. I love to talk to people that seem interested. But I didn't know what to say. Sometimes my home life stories tend to scare people off, so I kind of kept it at a level where he got enough information, yet didn't know much at all about my life.

I was actually meeting him so I could help one of my two friends go out with him. She had told me, while I was living in California, that she had a crush on him, and I had given her what advice I could from afar, but it hadn't seemed to been working. I was meeting him so I could figure out why he wasn't receptive to her advances, then let my friend know, and then move on with my life.

Well it didn't end up working out that way, obviously. I will admit, I was interested in him simply because I had heard much about him long before I met him. He is my best friend's older step brother, so I knew of him for a long time before actually meeting him. Though I knew of him, I was only interested to the extent that I knew my friend was crushing, probably pretty hard, and he was a guy that was quite obviously going to be in our friendship circle for a while.

As it turns out, he became interested in me when I started messaging him on facebook. I'm the kind of girl who likes long conversations. They don't happen with everyone, but it came naturally for us. We had a lot to talk about. We both came from broken families, first off, which seems to be a big conversation piece. Not to say that we were comparing situations, but when you've been in a domestic disaster like those can be, you just want someone to understand. I don't think it's physically possible for someone to know what a separation is like unless they've lived through it. Even if your parents hated each other, it's almost better than watching everything fall apart at the seams.

Jared and I got to talking about it. Then we got to talking about other things. and many other things. And eventually we had a conversation that expanded across a hundred different topics and yet we still were able to keep talking for a long time.

It was then I started to remember my friend. I had to work that in somehow so I could find out this guy's mind. I basically had been sent to find out if he liked her, and then report back to my friend about it, so I arranged for the three of us to hang out. That could be done.

We watched a movie at my house. Jared gets super cuddly at times, so he put his arms around the both of us, the three amigos sitting on my basement couch watching a movie.

After the movie, my friend had to go home. I decided now could be a good time to ask him about her, because she had just left and the topic could be considered relevant if I just randomly brought her up in the middle of conversation.

I asked about her, with a heavy response. No, he says, he isn't interested in being anything more than just friends... with my friend.

It was heart breaking. I love my friends. It was kind of a shock, actually, because this friend of mine is a really good and interesting person, and I kind of figured he'd go for her at some point.

To try and make this less grueling to go through, I'm going to shorten the rest of it.

Basically over time, he and I started hanging out, and I kept attempting to get him to like her. It wasn't until just this last weekend, when he was at my house basically all the time, that I realized what was going on. He kept coming over not because he was interested in me talking about how he could probably date my friend if he wanted, he was interested in ME.

I had already broken the news to my friend a while earlier, and at this point, It had become almost completely pointless to keep trying. I gave in. I let myself like him. and now here we are.

Do I feel bad about it? yes and no. Yes, because I didn't ask for my friend to like him as well, no, because I tried to change his mind, but I couldn't. Do I feel bad for going after him now? No. Plain and simple. I can't change the way he feels, and at this point in my life, he makes me happy. I'm going to go for what makes me happy.

Jared is an excellent person. He's just... great :) we might have no idea how we ended up in this crazy relationship, but I like being here. It somehow works. I hope this lasts for a while. This guy is definitely a keeper <3

Generally, I don't like it when couples are like "OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS OUR SONG <3" but I will admit that the songs "Your Song" and "Starry Eyed", both by Ellie Goulding, remind me of him EVERY SINGLE TIME.

<3 Lisa!

Things that Bother Me about Weddings.

I really don't want to turn this blog into a thing where I just complain constantly. I am not a person who likes to complain about stupid things, so these last few blog posts are merely out of being in the mood to complain about a specific thing.

Today we're going to complain about the things that bug me during weddings.

Having worked as a caterer for my aunt for a long time, I've been to countless weddings for strangers and family members alike. I have seen a couple that I felt were absolutely perfect, and a few that needed work...

And then I see things that completely break my internal bridal rules. Being a self-titled bridal fashionista, I have tried to figure out for myself how this whole bridal scene works, especially in terms of dresses and colors and things like that, so...

I couldn't plan you a wedding, but I can sure as heck tell you when you're probably doing something wrong.

So here, inspired by the fact that someone I know broke most of my rules, here's my list of ...
THINGS THAT BOTHER ME ABOUT WEDDINGS.

1. Bridesmaids/Maid of Honor dresses that look like you just came from the prom.

There is a difference between a Bridesmaids dress and going to your senior prom, and it bothers me when people don't know the difference. Prom is about shiny things. Making yourself look stunning in bright colors and vibrant make up. Unless you're having like... a neon-colored, shiny'd-out, prom-themed wedding, (Which I hope you're not.) then your bridesmaids dresses shouldn't be satin, over the top, or distracting.

I think my favorite example of bridesmaids dresses gone right is this picture I found on Pinterest:

I love how the colors don't exactly match, but they work well together, and the bridesmaids don't overshadow the bride (Except maybe that one in the coral dress. But I think that's just because she's the only blonde and she's also the tallest. Y'can't change that...)


2. Girls who wear Converse under their dress because they think it's "So Me!"

For a while, this practice was pretty out there and... for lack of a better word, "hipster" to do. But now? It's become about as common as the bouquet and the rings. This DRIVES. ME. CRAZY.

I understand wanting to be comfortable on your wedding day. And for a while, the Converse idea was a-okay. I actually liked it the first time I saw it and thought it was a kind of fun way to make a wedding seem more fun than like a fancied-up business party. Now? It's been done. Time and time again. It just makes me think you tried to make your wedding unique and fun, but you weren't creative enough to think of something else.

To remedy this,  I recommend OffBeat Bride. Search "shoes" and you'll find HUNDREDS of different shoe choices that maybe you didn't realize you could do. Some are absolutely gorgeous but painful, and others are simple and comfortable. I actually recommend this website for a lot of things, but not for a traditional wedding, for sure.

Personally, I already know I'm going to have a nice pair of Victorian ankle boots at my wedding. It just is going to happen.

3. Girls who have no idea how to pick a good wedding dress, and mothers who encourage it.

There's usually a lot of hype over girls finding "The One." and I'm not talking about Mr. Right. I mean Ms. Perfect Dress. Have you noticed that? It's always the pressure about finding the man, then finding the dress.

I believe each girl should get acquainted with her own body type and figure out what style of dress works with it. This is actually what prompted me to do this blog post. I met a girl who had a terrible dress choice, and I honestly believe it's because she knows little to nothing about her body type, or dresses for that matter.

She chose a mermaid style gown, a shape which is notorious for being curve-flattering and sexy.

This girl is not curvy. She's a gorgeous girl, but she is not curvy. Not to mention, the mermaid style fell really flat on the bottom, like the tulle underneath couldn't hold up the dress. She looked like a massive white post. And aside from that, the fabric was satin, a shiny prom-dress fabric. (See #1). I hate satin. It's a terrible fabric. It makes everything look cheap and shiny. In this case? Shiny is not good.

The mothers who encourage it are ALMOST worst. Mothers are supposed to tell their daughters when their dress makes them look like a board. But if the mother is even less informed than the daughter, then you basically end up with a lose-lose situation. You get a white prom dress that gives you no shape, and a random girl on the internet complaining about how she hates your wedding dress.

(For the girl who actually got married, I love her to death. And she married the perfect guy for her. In the end, that's all that really matters anyway. I might not like half of their wedding pictures, but that doesn't particularly matter in the end.)

I'm posting a picture of a wedding dress I think would have done my friend much better than the one she got. She's LDS so, of course it'll be from LatterDayBride.com

A ballgown shape would have given her a little more shape, but this one isn't over the top ball gown, so she still would get the simplicity she wanted. The true waist would have helped her out a lot more too.

Anyway.  I could probably go on for hours on this topic, but I'm gonna go do dishes and then eat my late lunch.

Things that Bother Me (But Really Shouldn't.)

I have a friend on facebook who is a... relative... of sorts. She's the half sister of my aunt's husband, to whom I am not related by blood, but this girl is freakin' amazing and so we pretty much consider ourselves cousins/other sort of relative. Her name is Kayla, and she loves Star Wars, good art, and being as awesome as ever.

She's currently pregnant with her and her husband's first child. I'm so excited for them! I actually first met her because I helped cater her wedding, so it's been pretty cool to see their little life get bigger together.

Anyway. On facebook, she posted a status about being pregnant and I thought it was cute. But what really motivated me to make this blog post was what someone commented to it. 

It was a man, complaining about his ex (whether he meant ex wife or ex girlfriend, I couldn't be certain.) and how he had to make several runs to the store to satiate his pregnant wife-or-girlfriend's cravings.

This bothered me. And I'll talk about why later.

This is LISA'S LIST OF THINGS THAT BOTHER ME (but really shouldn't.)

1. Straightening my hair.

I'm notorious for having really long, really soft hair. Let me tell you now, it is a pain and a half to straighten it. I try not to straighten it every day, because then I get pretty bad split ends, but when I do, it takes forever, hair just gets EVERYWHERE, and oftentimes I miss pretty big sections of hair. I have a lot of it. It happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Why shouldn't this bother me? Because I CHOOSE to keep my hair really long. If it's that much of an inconvenience, I'd just get my hair shaved off. Or pixie cut. I've been debating pixie cuts for a while now with my inner beautician. She says no. I'm saying maybe.

2. Men who are chivalrous to ONLY their significant other.

I'm not the kind of girl who says that chivalry is the only way to go. I'm the kind of girl who says, hey, if your man wants to be a chivalrous-knight-in-armor, then by all means let him, but for me, there isn't really a half way with chivalry. Either you're chivalrous to all women, or you're not. It's kind of demeaning to the rest of us, like you're saying "She's the only important woman to me. You all can just go away." I mean, I don't care if you don't open doors for women, or if you get in the car without opening the door for your date, or whatever, but If you're going to do it, then do it regardless of who the woman is. 

Why shouldn't this bother me? Because boys will be boys. For some guys, I imagine being chivalrous at all can be a bit of a stretch. For others, it's a hard law. Everyone is different and everyone has a right to be so. 

3. People who can't accept compliments.

There is a huge difference between being humble, and not accepting compliments. If I'm complimenting you, it means I genuinely think good of something you've done. It just can get bothersome if every compliment is responded with "OH NOOOOO~" all the time. I have a friend that I've lost contact with who is notorious for this. It would get so bad, I would try and reassure that I meant what I said, only to have her actively try and prove me wrong. It makes me NOT want to compliment you if you keep arguing with me. D< JUST SAY THANK YOU AND MOVE ON.

Why shouldn't this bother me? Because some people have social anxieties and this is the only way they know how to respond. I don't know about my friend, but I think I should probably be a little more understanding when she honestly doesn't think highly of herself.

AND LASTLY!

4. Men who complain about things Women do and can't control.

This applies to men who complain about period stress, pregnancy, and other things that are out of a woman's control.

Dear Mr. Man-who-commented-on-Kayla's-Status,

Your ex could not control her cravings. That's why they're CRAVINGS. If she had any control of them, she probably would have recognized it as an inconvenience. Now I've never been pregnant, but I've seen my mother carry four boys. It. Is. ROUGH. I would like to see you try and carry that baby for nine months, and deal with the emotional stress of it. I don't care if this makes me a raging feminist, but seriously? You have stresses too, I'm sure, but REALLY? Of all the things to complain about after you two have broken up, you're going to complain about how she acted during her PREGNANCY? You sir, probably need to be slapped in the face. 

Love, Lisa

Why shouldn't this bother me? Because I have no idea who this guy is. Honest, I really shouldn't care this much. I guess it's just because I'm a girl? I dunno. 

Anyway. That's it for today :3