Because it Hurts.

I've never won anything in my life.
I've entered countless competitions, festivals, etc, and yet I've never been enough.

Yeah I went to the Film Festival full-knowing that the only shot I had at winning ANYTHING was in the Culture Bowl (Basically, a fact-knowing competition.) which I studied for all week. I get 22nd. They were only taking up to 21st place to go to the next round.


Not to mention, most of the language videos could have easily been beaten out by mine in cinematography, let alone language skills.

It just hurts. Most of my friends got their acceptance letters to college already. Guess who hasn't applied to ANYTHING? Me. You know why? Because I spend my time worrying about my family's well-being. I spend my time making sure my brothers aren't alone. I spend my time making sure I'M not alone when my life seems to crumble.

I'm sorry I didn't get into BYU or SUU or U of U or whatever. I got into My-Family-Is-Broken-So-I'm-Trying-To-Hold-It-Together College. I'll be majoring in Hard Work with an emphasis on Emotional Stress. My minor is Worthlessness.

Where's the award in surviving my life? I wouldn't wish the experiences I've been through on ANYONE, yet I feel like I've failed.

I just wish there was a way I could know that even though my life has been full of abuse, that it was all worth it; that SOMEONE in the world benefited from my pain, that I, too, am amazing because I survived.

I guess that's supposed to be my $150 reward; I'm surviving.