An Overview of Today's events

I guess tonight could be worse, but its still not fun.

Today, the Seniors didn't have to go to school because the Juniors/Sophomores were doing either the ACT or the ACT prep so I went out with my Grandma for lunch, a bit of shopping and a movie (We saw Just Go With It. Not bad, really. I might just get it on DVD.) I got a new dress, which I promptly put on upon arriving home, curled my hair, and did my make up just to make myself feel even more special.

For those of you who don't know, I only wear dresses/skirts when I feel really happy or I feel really sad. Happy, because it sort of mirrors how I feel on the inside; beautiful and joyful. Sad, because I feel the need to improve my morale. The idea is that if maybe I make the image in the mirror beautiful and joyful, I'll start feeling that way. Not to mention, my friends tend to compliment me when I actually put an effort into what I'm wearing/look like. When I wear a dress, it helps to alleviate my sour mood; people compliment me. It makes me feel better when I feel my worst.

Anyway.
I got fancied up, then arranged with Jared's mom to hang out with their family at his house. (Jared, being my boyfriend, of course.) Excited, I examined myself in the mirror one last time before I sent him a text letting him know that his mom told me I could come by later.

He texted me back saying he wouldn't be there. His mom had earlier told me that he would. (I think it just had slipped her mind, though.) I felt crushed. I wondered what it was, so I asked. I was informed he was going to the movies with a friend. He didn't specify who when I asked, either, which only hurt more. I wasn't trying to be intrusive, but I just wanted to know if it was another girl. If he wanted to go out with someone else, couldn't I have known when he made the plans? Shouldn't I have known?

I think what bothers me the most is that I never get asked out anymore. I don't think I've ever been out with him on an occasion on which HE'S asked me to come with him. No, lies, I remember once he asked me to come with him to his Special Needs Mutual to meet the special needs people he helped out with. (He's a mentor, not special needs.) But at the same time, I don't remember if he asked me, or if I asked him what he was doing, and then when he realized I wanted to see him, asked me to come along. I don't even remember if I asked him if I could go with him, either. I just remember going for him.

I know I told him I'd be out with my Grandma today, but I am always home before 5 when its with my Grandma. I assumed he was free since he didn't ask me if I wanted to do anything, and I literally hadn't heard from him all day. In the least, if he really wanted to see me, if he really wanted me at all, he could of asked if I had any free time during the day. The ONE DAY we have off of school, he could have asked. He didn't.

So I cried on my couch for a little while, wiping away the mascara trails and adjusting the fabric on my dress. I just kept looking at my phone, thinking of who I could see instead, maybe fill my time doing something instead of talking with him. I saw the number of a friend of mine, Matt. I had my thumb over the green call button before I just stopped. I didn't want to see anyone else. I didn't want to do anything else. I prettied up for nothing except staying home and watching my younger brothers kill each other on Halo and Call of Duty.

I put my phone down and looked at the time. About 6:20. I still needed to find out what my schedule was for this week at my job, and I figured if I wasn't doing anything else, and they were still open, I might as well call and find out. Productivity would help my mood, right? I called in, and my friend Hillary informed me that instead of putting up hours for me, there was a note that said for me to call my boss. I took a hard gulp, copied down the number she gave me, and called immediately.

No response. I left a message, a quick, hard message and a polite plea for a returning phone call.

I'm desperately afraid he's going to let me go. I immediately went to a website Jared's mom had given me to another place that was hiring and submitted an application out of fear. Even if I'm not getting let go, putting in the application calmed me. I needed to know for myself that I was taking action for a preemptive and possible loss of a job.

So that has been my day. Honestly, if things don't improve, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but really, there isn't much I can do at this point.

I suppose I just gotta lay down on this wheel of fortune and wait for the masses to start throwing their knives at me. I'll let you know if they miss.