This is It.

If there's anything life has taught me the last few days, is that there are some things in life that cannot be changed, though you try and try.

And things that DO change, are meant to be changed, regardless of how much it makes you sad that you're no longer living in the life you had imagined you were in.

My iTunes keeps playing sad songs and although it's very well-placed for my recent moods, it's also rather depressing to think that my iTunes seems to know something about me that I didn't/couldn't exactly teach to it. There always seems to be something human about some objects, doesn't there? I mean, my iTunes currently keeps playing a lot of "I'm alone and sad and junk" music yet I didn't personally turn to my iTunes and say "Hey. I lost a couple friends today. Do you think you could remind me of this every time I hit the next button? Thanks, iTunes." The same seems to apply to my other programs as well.

Photoshop has a tendency to be nicer to me when I'm feeling down, as it usually is such a jerk to me when I'm happy, and it probably helps it sleep at night when it feels like it has helped my mood somehow.  It let me make a few artsy pieces today in light of, as mentioned earlier, losing a couple friends. Skype seemed to want to get out of my way, although Skype has a tendency to do that all the time. Chrome is the soulless one in the group. Chrome seems to work regularly regardless of my mood, running mostly smoothly at essentially every use.

I've long been aware that growing up is a necessary thing and that it requires more than just a mature mind and a drive to make it out there, but it isn't until you're thrown out of a moving bus that makes you realize that it'll never be easier than it was before everything changed.

Things are hard. Money, friends, school. It's harder to make it out there in the real world. I'm slowly learning how close to this edge I am. (And unfortunately for Lady Gaga and I, there is no glory on this edge. And I am not going to be hanging onto this moment long.) I just wish there wasn't someone pushing me. I constantly use this analogy in my journals; I'm like a bird that has just been hatched, and instead of learning how to fly, I've been pushed out of the nest. I have to hope I can figure it out before I slam against the pavement and die.

Death in this case, a representation of essentially leading a miserable life for the rest of eternity.

Cell phone bills, rent, insurance payments....

All looming over me as though a future of hating my job and being miserable is soon to rain like acid through my body.

If there's anything this has taught me, it is that the world sucks, and if I let it, it will drain all the fun out of me.

Well, I'm telling you world, I'm not going down without a fight.