Notable events:
- Dad showed up last night, but I didn't get to see him until after school today.
- Took the first of my medication this morning.
- Watched Community and 30 Rock re-runs with the family. No one really laughed. I love those shows.
- Ate Junior Mints during the shows. Everyone else had ring pops.
Nausea plagued today. I performed my monologue. It was great. I got a lot of laughs. How ironic. I perform humor best when I'm crumbling.
I learned the first time around that Zoloft puts a cap on the top and bottom of your emotional bar. I like to think of it as a lava lamp. The lava goes up and goes down sometimes, just like our emotions do. Zoloft takes the lava out and puts it in a jar. You still feel SOME things, but you really don't go anywhere.
I judged where my emotional cap goes. It stops under my eyes. I know that probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but really, it does. I had a moment where normally I would have been overwhelmingly joyous. The happiness stopped right at the bottom lid of my eyes, like I was standing in water that only went up to there.
As for the low, It stops at about my collarbone. I think I generally stay in my neck. that may seem pretty high, considering you usually sit in your feet when you're depressed. Its not high at all. Joy should be out of the body.
Anyway. You'll probably see more and more of my coherency fly out the window. As seen in my previous post, I pretty much lose my ability to think logically. My stories don't flow, I change topics often, and I can't think straight for the most part.
I can fake it well enough to not fail at school, but its pretty difficult to actually think clearly. I'll usually make strange similes and metaphors that don't really make sense, but if you're in my mind, they really do.
Anyway. Junior Mints are my favorite candy ever. Especially when they're frozen.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Second Try.
Copied out of my hand-written journal:
October 3rd, 2010
"I guess life has been interesting. I'll feel good for an hour before I rememeber that its the drugs that make me feel like that. Then I sit there and wonder how much of my life is a lie, all while still obeying the cap on my emotional odometer. I hate it. I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
October 9th, 2010
"You know that feeling you get when you know you should feel bad for someone but you frankly don't give a flying f*** if they're happy or sad? I told you I'd write today. I bet you thought I wouldn't, but the joke's on you, because I DID. So suck on that. Remember that time I took that asian girl's seaweed? I took the wrong bus that day. I hate my medication. I can't feel anymore. The only thing I feel is the disgust I have for it, and even then, its not enough to get me to stop taking it."
I'm returning to this. The anti-depressants, that is.
Its awful, its like turning on the hose full blast, while putting a clamp on the end of it so only a little bit of water comes out at a time.
But you never burst. You just have to wait until you can turn off the water, until the creatures in the night go away, and the bad news stops coming. Then you can take off the clamp and hope you can handle the after-pill nausea and not vomit out your organs for a week or so while your body adjusts.
Its a nightmare, but it stops the pain.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
An Overview of Today's events
I guess tonight could be worse, but its still not fun.
Today, the Seniors didn't have to go to school because the Juniors/Sophomores were doing either the ACT or the ACT prep so I went out with my Grandma for lunch, a bit of shopping and a movie (We saw Just Go With It. Not bad, really. I might just get it on DVD.) I got a new dress, which I promptly put on upon arriving home, curled my hair, and did my make up just to make myself feel even more special.
For those of you who don't know, I only wear dresses/skirts when I feel really happy or I feel really sad. Happy, because it sort of mirrors how I feel on the inside; beautiful and joyful. Sad, because I feel the need to improve my morale. The idea is that if maybe I make the image in the mirror beautiful and joyful, I'll start feeling that way. Not to mention, my friends tend to compliment me when I actually put an effort into what I'm wearing/look like. When I wear a dress, it helps to alleviate my sour mood; people compliment me. It makes me feel better when I feel my worst.
Anyway.
I got fancied up, then arranged with Jared's mom to hang out with their family at his house. (Jared, being my boyfriend, of course.) Excited, I examined myself in the mirror one last time before I sent him a text letting him know that his mom told me I could come by later.
He texted me back saying he wouldn't be there. His mom had earlier told me that he would. (I think it just had slipped her mind, though.) I felt crushed. I wondered what it was, so I asked. I was informed he was going to the movies with a friend. He didn't specify who when I asked, either, which only hurt more. I wasn't trying to be intrusive, but I just wanted to know if it was another girl. If he wanted to go out with someone else, couldn't I have known when he made the plans? Shouldn't I have known?
I think what bothers me the most is that I never get asked out anymore. I don't think I've ever been out with him on an occasion on which HE'S asked me to come with him. No, lies, I remember once he asked me to come with him to his Special Needs Mutual to meet the special needs people he helped out with. (He's a mentor, not special needs.) But at the same time, I don't remember if he asked me, or if I asked him what he was doing, and then when he realized I wanted to see him, asked me to come along. I don't even remember if I asked him if I could go with him, either. I just remember going for him.
I know I told him I'd be out with my Grandma today, but I am always home before 5 when its with my Grandma. I assumed he was free since he didn't ask me if I wanted to do anything, and I literally hadn't heard from him all day. In the least, if he really wanted to see me, if he really wanted me at all, he could of asked if I had any free time during the day. The ONE DAY we have off of school, he could have asked. He didn't.
So I cried on my couch for a little while, wiping away the mascara trails and adjusting the fabric on my dress. I just kept looking at my phone, thinking of who I could see instead, maybe fill my time doing something instead of talking with him. I saw the number of a friend of mine, Matt. I had my thumb over the green call button before I just stopped. I didn't want to see anyone else. I didn't want to do anything else. I prettied up for nothing except staying home and watching my younger brothers kill each other on Halo and Call of Duty.
I put my phone down and looked at the time. About 6:20. I still needed to find out what my schedule was for this week at my job, and I figured if I wasn't doing anything else, and they were still open, I might as well call and find out. Productivity would help my mood, right? I called in, and my friend Hillary informed me that instead of putting up hours for me, there was a note that said for me to call my boss. I took a hard gulp, copied down the number she gave me, and called immediately.
No response. I left a message, a quick, hard message and a polite plea for a returning phone call.
I'm desperately afraid he's going to let me go. I immediately went to a website Jared's mom had given me to another place that was hiring and submitted an application out of fear. Even if I'm not getting let go, putting in the application calmed me. I needed to know for myself that I was taking action for a preemptive and possible loss of a job.
So that has been my day. Honestly, if things don't improve, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but really, there isn't much I can do at this point.
I suppose I just gotta lay down on this wheel of fortune and wait for the masses to start throwing their knives at me. I'll let you know if they miss.
Today, the Seniors didn't have to go to school because the Juniors/Sophomores were doing either the ACT or the ACT prep so I went out with my Grandma for lunch, a bit of shopping and a movie (We saw Just Go With It. Not bad, really. I might just get it on DVD.) I got a new dress, which I promptly put on upon arriving home, curled my hair, and did my make up just to make myself feel even more special.
For those of you who don't know, I only wear dresses/skirts when I feel really happy or I feel really sad. Happy, because it sort of mirrors how I feel on the inside; beautiful and joyful. Sad, because I feel the need to improve my morale. The idea is that if maybe I make the image in the mirror beautiful and joyful, I'll start feeling that way. Not to mention, my friends tend to compliment me when I actually put an effort into what I'm wearing/look like. When I wear a dress, it helps to alleviate my sour mood; people compliment me. It makes me feel better when I feel my worst.
Anyway.
I got fancied up, then arranged with Jared's mom to hang out with their family at his house. (Jared, being my boyfriend, of course.) Excited, I examined myself in the mirror one last time before I sent him a text letting him know that his mom told me I could come by later.
He texted me back saying he wouldn't be there. His mom had earlier told me that he would. (I think it just had slipped her mind, though.) I felt crushed. I wondered what it was, so I asked. I was informed he was going to the movies with a friend. He didn't specify who when I asked, either, which only hurt more. I wasn't trying to be intrusive, but I just wanted to know if it was another girl. If he wanted to go out with someone else, couldn't I have known when he made the plans? Shouldn't I have known?
I think what bothers me the most is that I never get asked out anymore. I don't think I've ever been out with him on an occasion on which HE'S asked me to come with him. No, lies, I remember once he asked me to come with him to his Special Needs Mutual to meet the special needs people he helped out with. (He's a mentor, not special needs.) But at the same time, I don't remember if he asked me, or if I asked him what he was doing, and then when he realized I wanted to see him, asked me to come along. I don't even remember if I asked him if I could go with him, either. I just remember going for him.
I know I told him I'd be out with my Grandma today, but I am always home before 5 when its with my Grandma. I assumed he was free since he didn't ask me if I wanted to do anything, and I literally hadn't heard from him all day. In the least, if he really wanted to see me, if he really wanted me at all, he could of asked if I had any free time during the day. The ONE DAY we have off of school, he could have asked. He didn't.
So I cried on my couch for a little while, wiping away the mascara trails and adjusting the fabric on my dress. I just kept looking at my phone, thinking of who I could see instead, maybe fill my time doing something instead of talking with him. I saw the number of a friend of mine, Matt. I had my thumb over the green call button before I just stopped. I didn't want to see anyone else. I didn't want to do anything else. I prettied up for nothing except staying home and watching my younger brothers kill each other on Halo and Call of Duty.
I put my phone down and looked at the time. About 6:20. I still needed to find out what my schedule was for this week at my job, and I figured if I wasn't doing anything else, and they were still open, I might as well call and find out. Productivity would help my mood, right? I called in, and my friend Hillary informed me that instead of putting up hours for me, there was a note that said for me to call my boss. I took a hard gulp, copied down the number she gave me, and called immediately.
No response. I left a message, a quick, hard message and a polite plea for a returning phone call.
I'm desperately afraid he's going to let me go. I immediately went to a website Jared's mom had given me to another place that was hiring and submitted an application out of fear. Even if I'm not getting let go, putting in the application calmed me. I needed to know for myself that I was taking action for a preemptive and possible loss of a job.
So that has been my day. Honestly, if things don't improve, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but really, there isn't much I can do at this point.
I suppose I just gotta lay down on this wheel of fortune and wait for the masses to start throwing their knives at me. I'll let you know if they miss.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Because it Hurts.
I've never won anything in my life.
I've entered countless competitions, festivals, etc, and yet I've never been enough.
Yeah I went to the Film Festival full-knowing that the only shot I had at winning ANYTHING was in the Culture Bowl (Basically, a fact-knowing competition.) which I studied for all week. I get 22nd. They were only taking up to 21st place to go to the next round.
Not to mention, most of the language videos could have easily been beaten out by mine in cinematography, let alone language skills.
It just hurts. Most of my friends got their acceptance letters to college already. Guess who hasn't applied to ANYTHING? Me. You know why? Because I spend my time worrying about my family's well-being. I spend my time making sure my brothers aren't alone. I spend my time making sure I'M not alone when my life seems to crumble.
I'm sorry I didn't get into BYU or SUU or U of U or whatever. I got into My-Family-Is-Broken-So-I'm-Trying-To-Hold-It-Together College. I'll be majoring in Hard Work with an emphasis on Emotional Stress. My minor is Worthlessness.
Where's the award in surviving my life? I wouldn't wish the experiences I've been through on ANYONE, yet I feel like I've failed.
I just wish there was a way I could know that even though my life has been full of abuse, that it was all worth it; that SOMEONE in the world benefited from my pain, that I, too, am amazing because I survived.
I guess that's supposed to be my $150 reward; I'm surviving.
I've entered countless competitions, festivals, etc, and yet I've never been enough.
Yeah I went to the Film Festival full-knowing that the only shot I had at winning ANYTHING was in the Culture Bowl (Basically, a fact-knowing competition.) which I studied for all week. I get 22nd. They were only taking up to 21st place to go to the next round.
Not to mention, most of the language videos could have easily been beaten out by mine in cinematography, let alone language skills.
It just hurts. Most of my friends got their acceptance letters to college already. Guess who hasn't applied to ANYTHING? Me. You know why? Because I spend my time worrying about my family's well-being. I spend my time making sure my brothers aren't alone. I spend my time making sure I'M not alone when my life seems to crumble.
I'm sorry I didn't get into BYU or SUU or U of U or whatever. I got into My-Family-Is-Broken-So-I'm-Trying-To-Hold-It-Together College. I'll be majoring in Hard Work with an emphasis on Emotional Stress. My minor is Worthlessness.
Where's the award in surviving my life? I wouldn't wish the experiences I've been through on ANYONE, yet I feel like I've failed.
I just wish there was a way I could know that even though my life has been full of abuse, that it was all worth it; that SOMEONE in the world benefited from my pain, that I, too, am amazing because I survived.
I guess that's supposed to be my $150 reward; I'm surviving.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I suppose If I'm already up, might as well update.
Really, almost nothing to report. Well, that's a half-lie. I have a lot to report, but this is the internet. You never know who is reading.
And as much as I hate censorship, there are SOME things better left unsaid sometimes.
Anyway, today was the Foreign Language Film Festival at my school. I was able to submit a video into the competition. Despite being probably one of the best in cinematography and quality, It only gained an honorable mention due to the rest of my class voting for a half-assed (excuse my language.) project done in two hours, the day before it was due.
Don't get me wrong, I liked their video. It was blatantly hilarious, but content-wise, it was just fluffy nonsense.
Not to mention, half their Spanish... well, came out of a translator. Mine was translated from my brain and edited by my Spanish teacher.
Translators are helpful if you know what you're doing and can fix the mistakes. They apparently did not know what to do.
I got to see the other videos from the other language classes, and (surprise, surprise) the two AP French videos made it to the finals. I hated those films. The voices were annoying (For some reason, they felt the need to put the pitch of their speaking in the ear-splitting range.) and in the other one, it was, overall, a stupid concept. Darth Vader vs. Harry Potter. I wanted to kill the French class. I couldn't stop picturing how the pitch went for THAT concept.
And as much as I hate censorship, there are SOME things better left unsaid sometimes.
Anyway, today was the Foreign Language Film Festival at my school. I was able to submit a video into the competition. Despite being probably one of the best in cinematography and quality, It only gained an honorable mention due to the rest of my class voting for a half-assed (excuse my language.) project done in two hours, the day before it was due.
Don't get me wrong, I liked their video. It was blatantly hilarious, but content-wise, it was just fluffy nonsense.
Not to mention, half their Spanish... well, came out of a translator. Mine was translated from my brain and edited by my Spanish teacher.
Translators are helpful if you know what you're doing and can fix the mistakes. They apparently did not know what to do.
I got to see the other videos from the other language classes, and (surprise, surprise) the two AP French videos made it to the finals. I hated those films. The voices were annoying (For some reason, they felt the need to put the pitch of their speaking in the ear-splitting range.) and in the other one, it was, overall, a stupid concept. Darth Vader vs. Harry Potter. I wanted to kill the French class. I couldn't stop picturing how the pitch went for THAT concept.
Dear god, It was awful.
I don't even like French that much. It sounds too much like you're choking on your own phlegm for me to enjoy it. But you know what, some people like it, and that's good for them.
Nothing against French people or people who speak French. I just don't like the way the language sounds.
Regardless, the French classes have me mildly upset. Especially since I loved my video, worked hard on it, and actually gave a damn trying to produce it, and the videos that win are.... simply put, annoying.
Even without my video, I would have preferred some of the other videos to continue other than French. The two ASL videos were really clever and there was one German video that my friends Matt and Mariah did that I would have loved to see continue.
There's not much I can do about it now, so I guess its best to just let it be. Hopefully I can make something good for KAVE TV to be proud of and have that air.
You know, If anyone even watched KAVE TV nowadays.
Until Later,
<3 Lisa
Monday, February 21, 2011
Music for a Day.
Music is a huge part of my life. Its something that keeps me going when I don't have a whole lot else to go on.
Now before you start posting stuff like "ITS OKAY IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT, YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE BLAH BLAH BLAH."
(Which you can still comment like that, if you want, but just know admitting that I have a coping mechanism doesn't bother me.)
So anyway, I thought for tonight's late-night-post, I'd give you a taste of what I'm currently addicted to, music-wise :P
1. SECOND GO, by LIGHTS
I love this video. It demonstrates almost exactly how my brain works. It makes me happy. :D
2. THREE WISHES, by THE PIERCES
I found this song by accident! I'm hoping to make a music video for it soon. Hopefully <3
3. MAGIC, by UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO'S VOICES IN YOUR HEAD
This song inspires me. It's just so beautiful :)
4. CATO AS A PUN, by OF MONTREAL
For some reason, I really like this song, despite not being too much of an Of Monteal fan.
5. MORE AND MORE, by DJ HIXXY
I'm a techno girl at heart :) This song just makes me want to dance!
Well there you have it! My top five for the night :P
Until next time,
<3 Lisa
Now before you start posting stuff like "ITS OKAY IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT, YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE BLAH BLAH BLAH."
(Which you can still comment like that, if you want, but just know admitting that I have a coping mechanism doesn't bother me.)
So anyway, I thought for tonight's late-night-post, I'd give you a taste of what I'm currently addicted to, music-wise :P
1. SECOND GO, by LIGHTS
I love this video. It demonstrates almost exactly how my brain works. It makes me happy. :D
2. THREE WISHES, by THE PIERCES
I found this song by accident! I'm hoping to make a music video for it soon. Hopefully <3
3. MAGIC, by UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO'S VOICES IN YOUR HEAD
This song inspires me. It's just so beautiful :)
4. CATO AS A PUN, by OF MONTREAL
For some reason, I really like this song, despite not being too much of an Of Monteal fan.
5. MORE AND MORE, by DJ HIXXY
I'm a techno girl at heart :) This song just makes me want to dance!
Well there you have it! My top five for the night :P
Until next time,
<3 Lisa
Sunday, February 20, 2011
50 Truths.
So I guess I have re-started my blog.
And I suppose I better start with an introduction?
So what better way to introduce yourself, than to make a list of 50 random facts about yourself?
50 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT LISA.
1. My name is Lisa Kaplan.
2. I hate the smell of febreeze.
3. I prefer mini M&M's to the regular ones. The candy coating-to-chocolate ratio is much better in the Mini ones.
4. I currently have a boyfriend named Jared.
5. I'm currently listening to Suna No Oshiro, by Kanon Wakeshima. Its amazing.
6. My boyfriend plays Cello. One day, I want to get him a red or white one, as seen owned by the above mentioned singer.
7. I don't think I'm that interesting.
8. I have a YouTube channel, but I never use it. Well... I kind of do, but not really.
9. Criminal Minds is one of my favorite shows.
10. Medium and CSI come in a tie for second-favorite-show.
11. I love Victorian clothing.
12. I'm only a slight anachronism. I love the early 1900's for its architecture, clothing, and overall fancifulness, but I couldn't live without my iPod or modern music.
13. My birthday is September 5th, 1993
14. I make movies when I'm bored.
15. I make movies when I'm NOT bored.
16. I live in Utah, but I sometimes wish I didn't.
17. I hate making stupid lists like these because I feel self-centered when I do.
18. I hate feeling self-centered.
19. I learn much better visually than I do kinetically. Auditory learning is second-best to visual learning for me.
20. I cut down this list from 100 facts to 50 because I don't know what else to really put here.
21. I have 7 members in my family.
22. I'm learning Spanish and Japanese. I prefer neither over the other, though writing in Japanese is fun.
23. I'm starting this blog back up because I wanted to.
24. I don't like mushrooms.
25. My mom loves mushrooms.
26. I have a therapist. I don't feel weird about that.
27. My therapist's name is Megan. I have no idea what her last name is.
28. I believe in God.
29. I don't go to church because my ward makes me uncomfortable.
30. I'm a Mormon.
31. I'm very different from your stereotypical Mormon.
32. I prefer to be called LDS rather than "a Mormon."
33. I think the term Mormon carries some negative connotation when you use it with non-Mormons.
34. When I was ten, I swore at my friend's house. She was a year older than me so I thought it would make me sound older, and thus make me on the same maturity level as her. It didn't. I felt awkward.
35. Now I swear when I'm angry.
36. I usually only say hell or damn.
37. If I'm REALLY angry, which I rarely become, I will swear profusely.
38. Someone once told me that I sound like a violin when I sing. She also said that my mom sounds like an off-tune bassoon. I have no idea what a bassoon sounds like, but apparently my mom sounds like one.
39. I prefer string instruments over others. Brass instruments like the trumpet, tuba, trombone, etc, are probably my least favorite.
40. I use Skype.
41. I'm told I'm overly talented. I don't think I'm talented at all.
42. I hate Disney Channel.
43. When I was little, I learned in my sunday school classes that you could pray for whatever you wanted and that God would help you with it.
44. After learning the above information, I prayed that God would let me grow angel wings overnight. I prayed this incessantly for about a week before I determined that God wasn't listening.
45. I left God for 7th and 8th Grade.
46. I didn't leave him because of the angel wings.
47. I have an obsession with music, especially when I can harmonize to it.
48. I used to think being an alto meant you were inferior to the sopranos.
49. Now, I prefer to sing alto, because I can't sing very high, as well as I think you can have a great melody, but it doesn't sound nearly as cool until you add a harmony.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST.
50. I am a senior in high school. I am SO READY for it to all be over.
<3 Lisa.
And I suppose I better start with an introduction?
So what better way to introduce yourself, than to make a list of 50 random facts about yourself?
50 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT LISA.
1. My name is Lisa Kaplan.
2. I hate the smell of febreeze.
3. I prefer mini M&M's to the regular ones. The candy coating-to-chocolate ratio is much better in the Mini ones.
4. I currently have a boyfriend named Jared.
5. I'm currently listening to Suna No Oshiro, by Kanon Wakeshima. Its amazing.
6. My boyfriend plays Cello. One day, I want to get him a red or white one, as seen owned by the above mentioned singer.
7. I don't think I'm that interesting.
8. I have a YouTube channel, but I never use it. Well... I kind of do, but not really.
9. Criminal Minds is one of my favorite shows.
10. Medium and CSI come in a tie for second-favorite-show.
11. I love Victorian clothing.
12. I'm only a slight anachronism. I love the early 1900's for its architecture, clothing, and overall fancifulness, but I couldn't live without my iPod or modern music.
13. My birthday is September 5th, 1993
14. I make movies when I'm bored.
15. I make movies when I'm NOT bored.
16. I live in Utah, but I sometimes wish I didn't.
17. I hate making stupid lists like these because I feel self-centered when I do.
18. I hate feeling self-centered.
19. I learn much better visually than I do kinetically. Auditory learning is second-best to visual learning for me.
20. I cut down this list from 100 facts to 50 because I don't know what else to really put here.
21. I have 7 members in my family.
22. I'm learning Spanish and Japanese. I prefer neither over the other, though writing in Japanese is fun.
23. I'm starting this blog back up because I wanted to.
24. I don't like mushrooms.
25. My mom loves mushrooms.
26. I have a therapist. I don't feel weird about that.
27. My therapist's name is Megan. I have no idea what her last name is.
28. I believe in God.
29. I don't go to church because my ward makes me uncomfortable.
30. I'm a Mormon.
31. I'm very different from your stereotypical Mormon.
32. I prefer to be called LDS rather than "a Mormon."
33. I think the term Mormon carries some negative connotation when you use it with non-Mormons.
34. When I was ten, I swore at my friend's house. She was a year older than me so I thought it would make me sound older, and thus make me on the same maturity level as her. It didn't. I felt awkward.
35. Now I swear when I'm angry.
36. I usually only say hell or damn.
37. If I'm REALLY angry, which I rarely become, I will swear profusely.
38. Someone once told me that I sound like a violin when I sing. She also said that my mom sounds like an off-tune bassoon. I have no idea what a bassoon sounds like, but apparently my mom sounds like one.
39. I prefer string instruments over others. Brass instruments like the trumpet, tuba, trombone, etc, are probably my least favorite.
40. I use Skype.
41. I'm told I'm overly talented. I don't think I'm talented at all.
42. I hate Disney Channel.
43. When I was little, I learned in my sunday school classes that you could pray for whatever you wanted and that God would help you with it.
44. After learning the above information, I prayed that God would let me grow angel wings overnight. I prayed this incessantly for about a week before I determined that God wasn't listening.
45. I left God for 7th and 8th Grade.
46. I didn't leave him because of the angel wings.
47. I have an obsession with music, especially when I can harmonize to it.
48. I used to think being an alto meant you were inferior to the sopranos.
49. Now, I prefer to sing alto, because I can't sing very high, as well as I think you can have a great melody, but it doesn't sound nearly as cool until you add a harmony.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST.
50. I am a senior in high school. I am SO READY for it to all be over.
<3 Lisa.
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