Day One: Nausea and Junior Mints

Notable events:
- Dad showed up last night, but I didn't get to see him until after school today.
- Took the first of my medication this morning.
- Watched Community and 30 Rock re-runs with the family. No one really laughed. I love those shows.
- Ate Junior Mints during the shows. Everyone else had ring pops.


Nausea plagued today. I performed my monologue. It was great. I got a lot of laughs. How ironic. I perform humor best when I'm crumbling.

I learned the first time around that Zoloft puts a cap on the top and bottom of your emotional bar. I like to think of it as a lava lamp. The lava goes up and goes down sometimes, just like our emotions do. Zoloft takes the lava out and puts it in a jar. You still feel SOME things, but you really don't go anywhere.

I judged where my emotional cap goes. It stops under my eyes. I know that probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but really, it does. I had a moment where normally I would have been overwhelmingly joyous. The happiness stopped right at the bottom lid of my eyes, like I was standing in water that only went up to there.

As for the low, It stops at about my collarbone. I think I generally stay in my neck. that may seem pretty high, considering you usually sit in your feet when you're depressed. Its not high at all. Joy should be out of the body.

Anyway. You'll probably see more and more of my coherency fly out the window. As seen in my previous post, I pretty much lose my ability to think logically. My stories don't flow, I change topics often, and I can't think straight for the most part.

I can fake it well enough to not fail at school, but its pretty difficult to actually think clearly. I'll usually make strange similes and metaphors that don't really make sense, but if you're in my mind, they really do.

Anyway. Junior Mints are my favorite candy ever. Especially when they're frozen.