Welp.

I haven't written in a while. A long while. And I apologize for that. Sincerely.

My birthday is in six days and the Future Husband's birthday is in three. How awesome are we that we have birthdays so close to one another?

Anyway, on a side note, I've made it an amazing little hobby of finding out where girls got their wedding dresses. I've discovered four dresses of four different girls thus far, using minute details about the girls and their dresses, and have continued on with lightning speed at finding these things out. I've found a few based on designers, and others because of complete accidents, but one way or another, I've found I'm really good at this wedding-dress-finding game.

Now I just can't wait until someone figures out where my dress comes from <3 The best part is? You'll never find it. It's been discontinued and I will be the last girl to wear this dress from this store. It's not even on their website anymore.

Life has reached a point where I just can't. I know for a lot of you that probably doesn't make sense. If you're a tumblr person and have any sense of fandom, you'll realize immediately what this means.

I can't. It's not the usually fandom-induced "I can't." Instead it's the fragile real-life-is-beckoning I can't.

I'm quitting my job. I nearly broke my ribs, lost my voice, and have put on so much stress-related weight that it's not even funny. I can't.


For a little commentary on things outside of my own life, I find that the world is still spinning, which is weird. Time has seemed to stand completely still for the last few months and although I kind of knew that life has been happening all this time for everyone else, I don't think I fully realized it until my brothers started school, my friends in California went back to college, and I skipped school to take a mental health day.

Life is weird the way it never stops until you're gone.

Baby's First Bridal Show

Why do Fill-in-the-Blank baby books always stop at like... year two? I don't think I've ever seen a baby book go past maybe age four at the most.

This comes up mostly because I recently had the chance to look through my Grandma's office supplies to steal a few school supplies for my Creative Writing class. (Namely a notebook and a legal pad) During my rummaging, I stumbled upon an old book. It was grey with a silver border around the cover of it. It was no bigger than an average children's book, if not smaller than one. I opened it up.

It was the baby book of my great-grandmother, dated back to 1925. The book had different sections for different stages of a son or daughter's life that you could fill in with your own information. Though there weren't many pages, the book went up to the day the child got married. I thought that was neat.

I mean, think about it. They're still your child regardless of how old they are. Shouldn't every achievement be special?

As I thought about this, I kind of laughed to myself about titling everything "Baby's first _______"

baby's first haircut
baby's first steps
baby's first words
baby's first day at school
baby's first friendships
baby's first day at junior high
baby's first best friend
baby's first boyfriend/girlfriend
baby's first time getting dumped.
baby's first graduation day
baby's first day at college


Just imagine a baby doing all those things. I laughed really hard at the idea of my first bridal show going into a baby book.

Well that leads into my next part. I'm going to a bridal show tomorrow with my future sister-in-law, Jessica, and I'm pretty stoked. I'm so stoked, I can't even sleep. How counterproductive, right?

Anyway. Jared's at work all night, and I feel kind of bad for him. This is one of three graveyard shifts he has to pull and I can't help but hope that he isn't permanently put on as the night auditor. I can tell it kind of vaguely pulls him off his mental cycle, and although I'm sure he could adjust over time, for now it's very much not a fun time for him.

Pull together, my love! :(

This is my Theme Song

Come on, come on
You have got to move on
This is not the you i know
This isn't real
It's just all you can feel
And that's the way that feelings go
And whether or not it's right or wrong you'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

Say what you will but the time that we fill
While we're on the earth
Should not be alone
We were meant to be known
You make me what i'm worth
But i can't keep you from yourself; you'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

I don't know why it has to be this way and
I don't know the cure
But please believe someone has felt this before

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

I found this song while shopping at the mall a few weeks back. Usually when I hear songs that I like, I type out some of the lyrics into my phone and save it as a draft. Then later, I look up the lyrics and find out the song.

I'm glad I looked them up. Most times, I just ignore the drafts after a while. But I looked this one up.

I feel like this song describes me perfectly. 

I'm so glad I've got it now :)

Living Life is the Best Choice I Ever Made

I've been spending the last week preparing for my new set of classes that start next week and all while doing so I've been dreading going back to school. Summer break is over? WHY? Not to mention, last semester was a total failure, so I'm definitely not excited for them to tell me that I essentially failed. But, I have to keep going to school, otherwise I'll be a sad camper when I wake up in the Summer of 2015 and realized I could have graduated at that point.

I've just been thinking about how busy I've been, and it makes me realize that... It might suck being so busy all the time, but at the same time, I'd go crazy just being locked up at home. I look at a lot of people I know and wonder how they can stand just sitting around the house all day, doing nothing and having no life outside of their little homes/apartments/general living spaces.

I mean, I don't have many friends at the moment, but at least I'm doing something to further my future.


I can't wait to graduate from school.... eghhhhh....

How Could it Already be July?

Apparently time decided to move and now it's July 2012. Weiiiiiird, right? I think so.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and it's unfortunate that most of it is incredibly large stresses that have come up in the last little while. I have no idea how I'm going to work out a lot of the huge problems that have come with life, and it seems to be immensely deterring me from feeling much happiness.

but we'll figure out a way to move on. We always do.

Real Life comes back in One Day.

This last week I've been fortunate to have off of both work and school. It's the first week of my three week break from school, and I requested the whole week off from work so I could go to California (Which I didn't end up doing... very bittersweet....)

And now that it is saturday, I have today and tomorrow to live out my free life before work comes back to haunt me. At least I don't have school, but I don't mind school. It'll be the beginning of a fantastic new semester so when it starts back up again, I won't be so angsty about it. (I hated last semester. I took all boring classes and wanted to shoot myself in half of them.)

I hate my job, honestly. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it.

I hate/love it.

I work at Kindercare Learning Center. I am a preschool teacher, and I float between teaching the two year olds and the toddlers. I love the kids. They're brilliant little minds and although they have their terror-inducing moments, they're all-in-all, the greatest little things to ever exist. They just have a way of making you love them, and you'll always love every little bit about them. Then they go and dump all the toys onto the floor, bully each other until they have beaten themselves senseless and you just want to cry because you still love them.

AND YOU NEVER CAN EXPLAIN WHY YOU STILL LOVE THEM.

That's why I love my job, and if I didn't have half of my artistic skill, I'd probably stay in this job forever and make it a career. But I don't. I don't because that'd be selling myself short. I have a gift and I feel like God intended for me to... you know... use it!

Anyway, I think the fact that I decided NOT to have this be a career is ruining me. The job is an all-or-nothing deal. You're either in or you're out. It's been so weird to be in this forced half-on, half-off. It just makes everything uncomfortable. I can't be there all the time, and when I am there, I'm dedicatedly there. I spend 8 hours there every day that I'm working, and when you spend that much time with rambunctious kids, you get tired.

I come home so worn out. It's not even funny anymore. I have no energy left by the time I'm done with work for school or for homework.

So that's what I'm doing today; putting in job applications. I'm looking for a new job, one where I'm not coming home over-exhausted and near tears as to how tired I am. Not to mention, I need a job where I still have time to do school work. And have a life. Yes. Because having a life is important. I miss having actual friends.

Anyway. I hope everyone has a good day!

The Flynn to my Rapunzel

Mr. Beyoncé-Fiancé fell asleep on my arm earlier and so I took this wonderful opportunity to take a picture. (A little bit without his knowledge.... oops.)

(also, I call him Beyoncé-Fiancé because not long after he proposed, we both had the sudden realization that those words rhyme. It's been stuck in my head ever since.)

Him falling asleep on my arm while I blog my heart out has got me so giggly. And a little bit thoughtful.

I've prided myself on being the girl that didn't need anyone to survive, that could be self reliant and strong even through the toughest of the tough.

and here I am, saying to myself "Okay, girl. By marrying this guy, you're committing to sharing that strength with someone else. You're committing to not only carrying your own burdens, but his as well."

"But it's okay" my thoughts spoke. "Because he's committing to the same exact thing."



I can't wait to spend eternity with this man. I. Cannot. Wait.