REMEMBER ME?

To my Almost Lover:

Yeah you, Remember me? That girl that you gave your life to?  You know, the one that you loved for so long because you finally felt free of your chains when you met her? Well guess what, She's here. I'm right here. I never really left. I've been standing right behind you while you've been talking about how you have a lot of problems you don't know how to fix, or just can't fix. Look, I love you dearly. I love you so much, that I'm not even sure how to state exactly how much I love you. Regardless of whether or not that love is platonic, I'm still here. Where did YOU go?

I can tell you. You went to hell and back. You saw the edges of the earth and walked around them, full knowing that you could push yourself off of them and die, end whatever it is we started. You would just have to face the results wherever you went, and God only knows how much easier they'd be if you weren't here. But no, you survived, just like I knew you would, and just like you hoped would happen.

But guess what, Its not enough just to survive anymore. You have to breathe. Going through the pain you're going through is like being stabbed. It, quite literally, FEELS like a stab to the chest cavity, even for me, and I'm just WATCHING you deteriorate. If you get stabbed, you can still live. You're still surviving. But you'd be a damned fool to not go to the hospital with a six inch blade sticking out between your ribs. The same thing happens emotionally. You can sit there and take the bleak future, the completely necessary break up, the year-long wait, and all your troubles and you can pretend that you haven't been hurt. All you're doing is letting the blade rust out your insides, poison your blood until you can't feel anymore, and eventually, the disease that kills you is your own insanity.

Get help, please. Its not something I can do for you, though you know I desperately wish I could. You can't keep walking around on the brink of something terrible simply because you think you don't need it. I'm here to tell you that you DO need it. You're not yourself. The light in your eyes that I fell in love with is gone. You say its there, just recovering, but I know its not. You don't act like you. Today, I held you close, and told you to get help. You couldn't look in my eyes. When you finally did, I saw a flicker of that light. I know you're in there.

I know you can come home.