To Be Known

I had once regarded fame as something I'd be thankful for, something I'd take with stride and happiness. Who wouldn't? Isn't the concept of fame inherently good? I mean, yes, granted there have been many examples in film and television that prove that there are negative sides to being known and having others know who you are. These interpretations, however, seem to have not deterred the lust for prominence, at least, not in myself. Why do I continue to tempt well perceived and understood boundaries? I am famous in a small circle on tumblr, and even though this popularity is, in any case, in the smallest sense, I have activated some odd crippling social anxiety I didn't know existed before.

I, in the most normal of situations, would not hesitate to ask someone about their life, their world, their everything. So why, suddenly, do I feel the need to worry about every little thing?

My sudden burst into this world of knowing-people-who-are-well-known-on-the-internet is weird. I've never felt so worried about everything. Even my stomach begins to flip in circles over the idea of now being socially involved with those whom I previously regarded as having higher stature over me. I never know what to say now, my mind consistently drawing blanks whenever I am addressed. I get these sudden paranoia fits that they think I'm awful or clingy or weird. I panic, in the lightest sense, and never feel accomplished in the conversation. Even long after the conversations are over, I feel like I've just made a complete fool of myself. I can't breathe, my mind goes empty, everything turns black and I just don't know what to do.

So tell me, world, how can a girl who once would never hesitate to make new friends, suddenly be so afraid to be around people? To feel like I was accepted by people I only dreamed of becoming friends with?

I feel like I've achieved the elementary schoolgirl's dream. I'm suddenly in the "popular" crowd. I have made friends with the big kids on the playground, and now all I can think to do is crawl up in a ball and pretend that they can't see me, because if they could, then they'd see how I'm more of an interference than a help to this little group of friends.

Its like I lost all ability to function normally.

Fumbling and Such.

This week was supposed to be happy-making and enjoyable, but rather it just kind of opened up a new can of worms in almost every situation that was supposed to be fun.

1. My wedding ring.

My wedding ring came into the jewelers! Unfortunately, instead of rose gold, it apparently came in with some nasty brown color. I didn't see it, but that's what the jeweler told us when we called to ask about the ring. I have become friends with this girl that is kind of our... consultant, I guess, when it comes to this ring, and I trust her when she says that she's trying her best to get our ring in on time. It's still kind of a bummer, though, that we can't get my ring yet.

2. My wedding dress.

Today, we went to get my dress and it looks great, and fits me well. But the only problem is that the waist on it goes a little higher on me, naturally, but this causes my boobs to push down on the waist part in the middle. The only way to fix this is to make the dress bigger, or for me to lose weight. and thinking about losing weight stresses me out, which only causes me to stress-eat and GAIN weight. But that didn't stop my mom from making that comment every five seconds.

3. Engagement picture fiasco

Engagement pictures were fun, but I was stressed out by having to be in the cold for them for so long. (It was cold and rainy when we went.) Now my fingers have that frostbitten feeling and it hasn't left yet. I talked to my grandma and she said "Ah. That sounds like what happened to me, and your mom when we were your age." and i was like what????? and then she said "Yeah arthritis runs in our family. sorry. that might be it. Or maybe you pulled something. But it's probably arthritis." and I was just like ugh. Not to mention, I have a UTI so now i"m like UGHHH NOOO HATRED. PAIN. Unfortunately, these are all linked to my genetics of weak bladders and terrible joints, so I guess I can blame my family? lol


Anyway that's essentially what's on my mind.

Re-watching and Working on a Collection

So after an amazing trip to DI yesterday, I decided I was going to attempt to collect all the Disney Princess movies. I actually ended up finding four of them at DI for a dollar each. A DOLLAR EACH. THAT'S SO COOL. Not to mention, they were original VHS tapes. Call me a hipster, but that's so cool to me. Like, I know how VHS is old news and everything is DVD/Blu-Ray now, but I still have a working VHS player. WHY SHOULDN'T I USE IT?

Anyway, I bought seven VHS's. Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Aladdin, Mouse Hunt, Anastasia, and Beauty and the Beast. Four of those are official-line-up Disney Princesses. The rest are just awesome!

So far, from the princess movies, I am just a few away from finishing the whole collection. I have Snow White, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, and Rapunzel. I just need Cinderella, Mulan, and Tiana to finish the collection! SO CLOSE.

Well, tonight I tried to sleep, to no avail. I found myself just laying in bed, facing my insomnia head on without anything to at least keep me entertained while I ride it out. I decided to pull out my princess movies and start watching.

I've re-watched Little Mermaid, Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Beauty and the Beast. Now I'm working on Tangled, though it's obviously not a VHS.

In an odd way, I've sort of reaffirmed that I like Tangled the most out of all the princess movies. By watching the older ones, I've realized what I don't like about them. They're sweet princesses, but...

Ariel has always bothered me. She seems so selfish, and acts like the worst kind of teenager. She's stubborn and will do things on a whim, despite being advised against what she's facing. Because of her actions, she puts others in danger and doesn't seem to equate the bad situations to her own actions. I guess I mean that she doesn't seem to see the consequences of her actions and how they affect others. She doesn't accept her due blame, and it makes me feel like she's just entitled and conceited.

Belle is definitely more likable than Ariel, in my book. Belle seems to be resourceful and genuine. Belle seems to have consideration for others and I love that she has an appreciation for books and literacy. I feel like out of all the princesses, she's probably one of the smartest. Although she can kind of get herself into danger due to her trying to help others, I feel like the fact that she wants to make sure others are in good situations makes her a better person. She still felt kind of bland though. I don't know what it was, but I think that she didn't have enough that defined her as a person other than these two things. Books, and being nice.

Anyway. I'm gonna finish watching my movie! Mother Gothel just found the princess crown in Rapunzel's tower, and this is where the fun part begins.

Welp.

I haven't written in a while. A long while. And I apologize for that. Sincerely.

My birthday is in six days and the Future Husband's birthday is in three. How awesome are we that we have birthdays so close to one another?

Anyway, on a side note, I've made it an amazing little hobby of finding out where girls got their wedding dresses. I've discovered four dresses of four different girls thus far, using minute details about the girls and their dresses, and have continued on with lightning speed at finding these things out. I've found a few based on designers, and others because of complete accidents, but one way or another, I've found I'm really good at this wedding-dress-finding game.

Now I just can't wait until someone figures out where my dress comes from <3 The best part is? You'll never find it. It's been discontinued and I will be the last girl to wear this dress from this store. It's not even on their website anymore.

Life has reached a point where I just can't. I know for a lot of you that probably doesn't make sense. If you're a tumblr person and have any sense of fandom, you'll realize immediately what this means.

I can't. It's not the usually fandom-induced "I can't." Instead it's the fragile real-life-is-beckoning I can't.

I'm quitting my job. I nearly broke my ribs, lost my voice, and have put on so much stress-related weight that it's not even funny. I can't.


For a little commentary on things outside of my own life, I find that the world is still spinning, which is weird. Time has seemed to stand completely still for the last few months and although I kind of knew that life has been happening all this time for everyone else, I don't think I fully realized it until my brothers started school, my friends in California went back to college, and I skipped school to take a mental health day.

Life is weird the way it never stops until you're gone.

Baby's First Bridal Show

Why do Fill-in-the-Blank baby books always stop at like... year two? I don't think I've ever seen a baby book go past maybe age four at the most.

This comes up mostly because I recently had the chance to look through my Grandma's office supplies to steal a few school supplies for my Creative Writing class. (Namely a notebook and a legal pad) During my rummaging, I stumbled upon an old book. It was grey with a silver border around the cover of it. It was no bigger than an average children's book, if not smaller than one. I opened it up.

It was the baby book of my great-grandmother, dated back to 1925. The book had different sections for different stages of a son or daughter's life that you could fill in with your own information. Though there weren't many pages, the book went up to the day the child got married. I thought that was neat.

I mean, think about it. They're still your child regardless of how old they are. Shouldn't every achievement be special?

As I thought about this, I kind of laughed to myself about titling everything "Baby's first _______"

baby's first haircut
baby's first steps
baby's first words
baby's first day at school
baby's first friendships
baby's first day at junior high
baby's first best friend
baby's first boyfriend/girlfriend
baby's first time getting dumped.
baby's first graduation day
baby's first day at college


Just imagine a baby doing all those things. I laughed really hard at the idea of my first bridal show going into a baby book.

Well that leads into my next part. I'm going to a bridal show tomorrow with my future sister-in-law, Jessica, and I'm pretty stoked. I'm so stoked, I can't even sleep. How counterproductive, right?

Anyway. Jared's at work all night, and I feel kind of bad for him. This is one of three graveyard shifts he has to pull and I can't help but hope that he isn't permanently put on as the night auditor. I can tell it kind of vaguely pulls him off his mental cycle, and although I'm sure he could adjust over time, for now it's very much not a fun time for him.

Pull together, my love! :(

This is my Theme Song

Come on, come on
You have got to move on
This is not the you i know
This isn't real
It's just all you can feel
And that's the way that feelings go
And whether or not it's right or wrong you'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

Say what you will but the time that we fill
While we're on the earth
Should not be alone
We were meant to be known
You make me what i'm worth
But i can't keep you from yourself; you'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

I don't know why it has to be this way and
I don't know the cure
But please believe someone has felt this before

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

I found this song while shopping at the mall a few weeks back. Usually when I hear songs that I like, I type out some of the lyrics into my phone and save it as a draft. Then later, I look up the lyrics and find out the song.

I'm glad I looked them up. Most times, I just ignore the drafts after a while. But I looked this one up.

I feel like this song describes me perfectly. 

I'm so glad I've got it now :)

Living Life is the Best Choice I Ever Made

I've been spending the last week preparing for my new set of classes that start next week and all while doing so I've been dreading going back to school. Summer break is over? WHY? Not to mention, last semester was a total failure, so I'm definitely not excited for them to tell me that I essentially failed. But, I have to keep going to school, otherwise I'll be a sad camper when I wake up in the Summer of 2015 and realized I could have graduated at that point.

I've just been thinking about how busy I've been, and it makes me realize that... It might suck being so busy all the time, but at the same time, I'd go crazy just being locked up at home. I look at a lot of people I know and wonder how they can stand just sitting around the house all day, doing nothing and having no life outside of their little homes/apartments/general living spaces.

I mean, I don't have many friends at the moment, but at least I'm doing something to further my future.


I can't wait to graduate from school.... eghhhhh....

How Could it Already be July?

Apparently time decided to move and now it's July 2012. Weiiiiiird, right? I think so.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and it's unfortunate that most of it is incredibly large stresses that have come up in the last little while. I have no idea how I'm going to work out a lot of the huge problems that have come with life, and it seems to be immensely deterring me from feeling much happiness.

but we'll figure out a way to move on. We always do.

Real Life comes back in One Day.

This last week I've been fortunate to have off of both work and school. It's the first week of my three week break from school, and I requested the whole week off from work so I could go to California (Which I didn't end up doing... very bittersweet....)

And now that it is saturday, I have today and tomorrow to live out my free life before work comes back to haunt me. At least I don't have school, but I don't mind school. It'll be the beginning of a fantastic new semester so when it starts back up again, I won't be so angsty about it. (I hated last semester. I took all boring classes and wanted to shoot myself in half of them.)

I hate my job, honestly. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it.

I hate/love it.

I work at Kindercare Learning Center. I am a preschool teacher, and I float between teaching the two year olds and the toddlers. I love the kids. They're brilliant little minds and although they have their terror-inducing moments, they're all-in-all, the greatest little things to ever exist. They just have a way of making you love them, and you'll always love every little bit about them. Then they go and dump all the toys onto the floor, bully each other until they have beaten themselves senseless and you just want to cry because you still love them.

AND YOU NEVER CAN EXPLAIN WHY YOU STILL LOVE THEM.

That's why I love my job, and if I didn't have half of my artistic skill, I'd probably stay in this job forever and make it a career. But I don't. I don't because that'd be selling myself short. I have a gift and I feel like God intended for me to... you know... use it!

Anyway, I think the fact that I decided NOT to have this be a career is ruining me. The job is an all-or-nothing deal. You're either in or you're out. It's been so weird to be in this forced half-on, half-off. It just makes everything uncomfortable. I can't be there all the time, and when I am there, I'm dedicatedly there. I spend 8 hours there every day that I'm working, and when you spend that much time with rambunctious kids, you get tired.

I come home so worn out. It's not even funny anymore. I have no energy left by the time I'm done with work for school or for homework.

So that's what I'm doing today; putting in job applications. I'm looking for a new job, one where I'm not coming home over-exhausted and near tears as to how tired I am. Not to mention, I need a job where I still have time to do school work. And have a life. Yes. Because having a life is important. I miss having actual friends.

Anyway. I hope everyone has a good day!

The Flynn to my Rapunzel

Mr. Beyoncé-Fiancé fell asleep on my arm earlier and so I took this wonderful opportunity to take a picture. (A little bit without his knowledge.... oops.)

(also, I call him Beyoncé-Fiancé because not long after he proposed, we both had the sudden realization that those words rhyme. It's been stuck in my head ever since.)

Him falling asleep on my arm while I blog my heart out has got me so giggly. And a little bit thoughtful.

I've prided myself on being the girl that didn't need anyone to survive, that could be self reliant and strong even through the toughest of the tough.

and here I am, saying to myself "Okay, girl. By marrying this guy, you're committing to sharing that strength with someone else. You're committing to not only carrying your own burdens, but his as well."

"But it's okay" my thoughts spoke. "Because he's committing to the same exact thing."



I can't wait to spend eternity with this man. I. Cannot. Wait.

Wedding Invite website! :D

If you'd like an invitation to the wedding, please put your info down in this form.

www.bit.ly/KsUBNk

It's a website we made that runs through google docs. When you put in your information, it goes to a spreadsheet that only Jared and I have access to :)

So, y'know, random people on facebook won't see your address!

anyway, SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT :D you have time until march, but I thought I'd give the link now so people have it. I'll probably be posting it regularly on facebook and such so that way people remember to put in their infos.

Also, Anticipated number in Party means that you're bringing someone specifically with you, like family members or significant others. Don't count other friends that might be putting in their own information. These numbers are what we're giving our venue so they know how many people are showing up :) thanks!

A Bride.

At what point does one become a bride?

I know. What a seemingly stupid question. What a seemingly UNNECESSARY question. Why does it matter? Who cares?

But I'm serious. I thought about it for a moment. I don't really feel like some higher being on her way to marriage, carted into a new life or statehood. I just... I just feel like Lisa, a Lisa who is pledging her life to a Jared. Her Jared. My Jared.

Is that what being a bride is supposed to feel like? Just as it's always felt? Since this relationship started, somehow I knew this is what I was getting into and I just accepted it in a single stride. Does that mean I've been a bride the whole time? If so, I kind of feel a little ripped off. I don't feel any more special than I did before I got engaged. (Though I do feel more special than I did when I was single. Jared makes life more amazing than I could have ever expected.)

Or is a bride supposed to be a superficial jerk who spends her engagement bossing people around and feeling like a goddess because everyone is bending to her every whim? I mean, come on, she is "the bride." Right? Is the bride supposed to be ruler and queen and goddess until her wedding day when it's all over? She's SUPPOSED to be a bridezilla, right?

I really hope that's not what a bride is supposed to be.

Maybe you don't even become a bride until your wedding day. Maybe bridehood is when you're in your dress, prettied up and dancing your newly-wedded heart out with the man to whom you dedicated your life.

In that case, when does bridehood end? Does it end when you come back from the honeymoon and you've settled down? Does it end when you've consummated the marriage and then no one is interested anymore?

On a random tangent: I have this dark feeling inside me that no one legitimately cares that I'm engaged. I know my family is enthralled, but I feel like the friends Jared and I had/have, suddenly have grown upset or absent. I know that's a bounding accusation, but for some reason, I feel like everyone's just... apathetic. No one seems to really care about it. The only non-family person who seemed to genuinely care was the lady at the Disney store who asked me about my wedding when I told her I was buying the Rapunzel and Flynn Rider wedding dolls for a reason. Other than that, the only thing people seem to be interested in is why we're waiting "so long" to get married. Then when I tell them why, they only comment on how they're sorry that I have to wait ten months. JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME.

Also, it bothers me that people only have to say "You guys look related"when they comment on our pictures. You can just say "Aww cute." Even if it seems cliché, it's better than making me feel weird.

Anyway. Back on track.

Bridehood. The state of being a bride.

I guess I only thought about this because I've been buying things for the wedding in small amounts. (We do have time) And I thought it'd be more exciting than it's been. I thought people would be more willing to help or to come with me to these things, but so far it seems like my engagement has alienated me. I really don't care if people agree with it or not, but... I don't know. It'd be nice to at least have some  one telling me how cute we are and making me feel like I'm not just crazy for thinking this is the cutest relationship ever.

Ehh.

Putting Two-and-Two together.

I honestly don't care much for page views on this blog, as I really do tend to enjoy my privacy, as hard as it may seem to believe. (But I do mean it. Believe me, half the stuff I say in my head would NEVER even be considered to be posted here.) 

The insights that google gives me, however, are still interesting to look into every so often. I usually use that section to look and see if any posts have new comments and if I should bother to reply to them.

I think it's odd, though, that I finally decided to care about pageviews, and when I did, I found something interesting.

The posts with the most views are the ones in which I talk about my break up with Jared Whitmer, and when I talk about my wedding to Jared Dalton....

The outliers to this are two; my post about personality tests and my post with quotes that my friends and I had in 2011. Both of these have explanations. When people asked me about the personality test, I would link them back to my blog so they could find the test and take it themselves. The quote book post is one that my friends, Levi, Matt, Brent, and Nina, have a tendency to check back to often.

But as for the other posts, I have no reasoning behind them.

Of course my mind is coming up with a myriad of reasons, but I don't know anything for certain.

But I'm still wondering why. 

Things That Bo-.... well you get the picture.

I try my hardest to not do this, because normally I feel like people who primarily complain are not as fun as those who look at things realistically; taking in the good and the bad. I've been known to complain a bit, but I suppose as long as I include a good note at the end of this little blog post, I'll redeem myself of any bad karma associated with my little rant of Things that Bother Me.

I'm thinking of changing the name of my rant-posts from "Things that Bother Me" and turning it into "Things that Bother Me About Facebook." Inevitably all of my TTBM posts have been about people that do stupid things on Facebook. In this case, it isn't a list of things that have bothered me, it's one specific event.

It bothers me how public people can be about their relationships.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the hopeless romantic relationship. The mushy-gushy love that some people have can be rather poetic, especially if it's accompanied with a fantastic story. It's the Buffy and Angel, it's the Rapunzel and Eugene, it's the Taylor Swift songs and the Michael Bublé. It's the cheesy lines and the things that sound like crap out of romance novels that make the hopeless romantic relationship so intriguing.

I love the hopeless romantic relationship in movies, songs, novels that would never make sense if they happened in real life.

But I can't stand seeing my news feed riddled with "your effervescent beauty invigorates my soul" crap that makes me want to throw up and then choke on my own vomit. I think the hopeless romantic relationship should be stuck with the movies and in private. I swear I think I've seen over a hundred posts like this on my Facebook wall in the last few months, and although I think it's nice that you love your significant other, It just... it makes me so awkward to see these strangely worded love letters on the walls of people that I assumed would never fall into this kind of thing.

I kind of see it like public indecency. Every time I see these cheesy, gag-worthy letters of mush and ick, I can't help but feel like I've seen something at which I shouldn't look. I understand that for the couple, it may be completely acceptable. In my head, I see it like I saw Edward talking to Bella before they had sex in Breaking Dawn. It was all awkward, fake, forced, and everything seemed like it wasn't going to last long.

Yes. I read Breaking Dawn. Shut up.

Anyway, back on topic. In relation to Jared and I, we hardly ever post on facebook like that. I tried to do it once. I honestly thought that was how couples were supposed to act; like this hello-is-it-me-you're-looking-for type relationship. I learned the lesson against this in a quick moment after our facebook affair ended. I instantly felt awkward, and it made him awkward too. At the same time, however, Jared and I can get pretty mushy towards each other. It's gotten to the point where we've made each other cry tears of joy before, and I couldn't ask for anything more beautiful by that.

I think about those moments, those times where we cry in joy together because we're so glad we have each other, and then I think about everyone watching us, and instantly I'm relieved that we were able to have that just be a moment between the two of us. I know I'm telling you about it now, but saying it now doesn't do the moment nearly enough justice for how it felt to be there with him.

And I don't want the world to see us like that. Not because I think it's shameful, but because I think it's... well, in a way, sacred. We're going to the temple to share this love for time and all eternity. There's a reason those sacred moments aren't widely discussed either. I'm not trying to sound uppity or better than anyone else. I'm sure if someone else feels like being all hopeless-romantic-y on facebook and feels its appropriate, then I fully commend them to go ahead and do it, so long as I can block it out and not have to see it. As for me, I intend to keep the intricacies of my heart to the one man that deserves to see them the most.

And I do realize the slight hypocrisy there; that statement in of itself is a little romantic-like, but I honestly couldn't word it any other way without derailing the meaning behind it.

Anyway, I feel good about having my slight admission of love for Jared as my good piece of karma, so I'll end this here :)

<3 Night!

The Avengers, Draper Temple, and WHERE DO I START?

So I'm gonna tell you our proposal story because, as I'm sure, a lot of people want to know. It's a wild, romantic tale of grand... okay well maybe not that big. But it's very "Lisa and Jared"-esque.

Well it started out with just... calmness. Jared's brother and his brother's wife were coming down to AF from Logan, so we were waiting on them until we could go see The Avengers. We saw it at the Cinemark in AF with Taylor (his sister), Sean (his brother), and Jessica (his sister-in-law).

Avengers = Awesome. I feel bad if you haven't seen it yet, because it is the most amazing thing ever.

Anyway, after that, we went up to the Draper Temple. It's my favorite temple in the area because of all the color around it, and how at night you can see the valley all lit up below it.

His dad took a bunch of pictures, and I realized what was happening.

He was gonna propose.

I'm ten months away from becoming Mrs. Lisa Dalton. 

(March 30th, 2013)

Now comes the hard/interesting part... wedding planning.

I've essentially already picked out my dress. I have had it stuck in my head for the last few months and now it's just become an issue of when I can go with my mom and grandma to go (hopefully!) purchase it. I'd post pictures, but I don't want to run a chance of my fiancé seeing the dress :P

I've already decided I want to get married in the Draper Temple for the aforementioned reasons, and now that the date has essentially been set, it seems like now my head is wanting to plunge headfirst into this.

I just don't know where to go from here. I've already asked the girls I want to have as bridesmaids if they'd like to be my bridesmaids. (Sorry to those who I didn't ask. With exception to Nina, all my bridesmaids are local, thus cutting out the hassle of long-distance dress shopping. I don't really want to deal with that.)

I suppose I could figure out the wedding band, but I'm not sure if that's necessarily the next step? I just don't know WHAT the next step should be... Favors and decorations, perhaps? Should I just chill out and wait until the date is closer? Venue, maybe? Who knows. Right now, I'm just confused.

So if someone would like to clue me in on how this whole thing works, I'm sure I'll need the help.

Personal Revelation comes in all Shapes and Sizes

I admittedly love that a bunch of people I know are getting married. It used to bother me, and I mean that in a pretty big way. It used to bother me because I feared getting older. I feared getting older so much that I had almost forgotten that I'm not seventeen anymore. Anytime I'd introduce myself to new people, I'd forget that I'm already more than halfway to nineteen and would slip out seventeen instead. Now, I realize that there's no reason to fear getting older because it happens whether I like it or not, and although I'm still not fully comfortable with the fact that I'm gaining responsibilities that I didn't have before, I'm finding ways to enjoy it as much as I fear it.

This isn't my personal revelation. This is leading up to it.

On a handy little website called "FaceBook", I can see whom of my friends is getting married. This time it happened to be a girl from my drama class. I had long deleted her in one of my we-don't-really-talk-anymore purges and, out of sight, out of mind, I hadn't thought about her much until recently.

She had a gorgeous ring. And I'm talking RING, like, the rock on that thing rivaled rings I couldn't even DREAM of owning. Okay, so maybe it wasn't QUEEN OF ENGLAND grand, but it was still amazing, and would take ANY girl's breath away to have it presented to her.

I'll admit, I was jealous at first. I sat there and thought about Jared and I, and how little our ring is.

No, he hasn't officially proposed yet, but the reason I know what the ring looks like is because my mom gave it to us.

It's little. This is a bigger picture of it. When I actually get engaged, I'll show you the real thing. Mine also has a little bit less of a shine to it, due to age. This one pictured is platinum, also, and mine is white gold. Little differences, but differences nonetheless.

Anyway. I looked at this girl's huge ring. I thought about mine. I looked at her ring, and then thought about mine.

Initially? Jealous. Insanely so.

But then I stopped. I looked at the ring again and then looked at my hand. I looked around and saw a few things around my floor and then looked at the ring

Her ring wasn't me. It wasn't sentimental. It was a huge rock with a shiny sign that read "NOT LISA" on it. I looked back around my room and then back at my hand. (Although the ring wasn't/isn't there yet, I've grown a habit of gesturing to my hand whenever I think about Jared and I.) My MOTHER gave us our ring. She didn't have to. 

So this is my personal revelation: People come in different shapes and sizes. So do things. And when the things reflect the person inside is when you find really valuable things, not because they cost a million dollars. When you find things that carry sentimentality and meaning to you is when you've found something amazing.

I love my ring, and I love my Jared. and I wouldn't want any of this any other way.

Also, I wish my friend the best of luck with everything! <3

Stressful? You betcha.

I'm starting to care less and less about school. It's kind of sad to say, but it's true. I honestly don't really care. I get so bored in my classes, and then they pile stress onto me about it. Yes, homework is important, but I just don't have time. And I feel like I'm not learning anything new half the time.


I mean, sure, I could learn something new in these classes, and I'm certainly not going to just quit school.

But I don't think I've ever had such an extreme lack of motivation to do anything. Work isn't this bad either, but then again, all I have to do for work is show up and then not worry about it when I get back home.

Things are tough. I hate that time seems to be moving slower than anything else, and that I can't seem to find a comfortable spot to just... relax in.

Mom suggested telling my boss that I can only work one day a week, which would be sufficiently nice, but at the same time, I don't know if I can handle that much of a pay cut. I don't know if I could do that to the center either. At that point, they might as well just let me go and find someone that can work more hours. I couldn't handle leaving the kids either. Although they're hardly angels, I'd feel like I was letting them down by leaving them.

I guess that's why so many people feel like they're stuck in this line of work; They could leave at any moment, but they love the kids and it makes them stay. 

On a side note, I might be carrying one or both of the two viruses that cause Hand Foot Mouth. Wonderful.... Did I mention that I love my toddlers?

PROMISE RING?!

It's so adorable I might die O___O


Just a promise ring for now while we get the money to actually get married. :P <3

The Wedding Blues

Today wasn’t necessarily a “sad day” just as it was an uneventful day, and then my own brain decided to throw in a little solemnity. 

Well, for those who don’t know, my boyfriend and I are kind of considering marriage. Crazy, right? Sure is! But that’s not what weirds me out. What makes me sad about this is the fact that I’m a sort of dreamer when it comes to weddings/receptions. Normally, I think in highly practical ways. I never think about things that are completely improbable. A reception is an entirely different story. 

I am a princess at heart. I’ve always been like this, but I set my expensive tastes aside for things that are simultaneously practical and inexpensive. 

I dream of having a beautiful Tangled-themed reception, except instead of a pink/purple/gold color scheme, have a red/gold/pink, and have a lot of tangled references within the wedding. I’ve already found a tutorial for some adorable lanterns (http://tinyurl.com/c97nekl) that could be painted gold and red or gold and pink, and my friend and I have been working on figuring out how Jared and I could have our own lantern-lighting thing outside. As you’ve probably seen, I’m an artist, and so I plan on doing a lot of Tangled-themed art with Jared and I as the subjects. I’ll frame them in gold frames and put them on the tables alongside roses and the lantern jars. The tables will also have tea lights to create some nice lighting, a little shimmer against the glasses and china.

My aunt does catering, and would probably cater the reception for free just as a wedding gift, so I’m not worried about that. She even has fancy plates that I love, so… I’ve almost got that covered. I just worry about all the other things I have ideas for.

I’ve even got an idea for what I want the location to be like. I refuse to have a normal Utah wedding where you get in your local Mormon church building and pretend that you’re not dancing on top of a bunch of lines from a combination basketball/volleyball court and that the hoops themselves are actually just decorations from the building… I want a fantastic building like Noah’s (http://mynoahs.com/), where you can drape chiffon from the ceiling and have it accent your center point, where you can dim the lights so everything seems mildly romantic and amazing, like you’re actually outside where the lanterns have been lit and the atmosphere is amazing. I want a wedding where people will come in and be amazed. I want them to never forget it.

I imagine my hair in a half-up/half-down braided crown with a gold tiara on top, and the veil coming down from the base of the braided part. I’ve chosen a few dresses that I’m absolutely in love with, and my friend (aka schitzophrenicrainbows.tumblr.com) made me a fantastic red cloak with the most soft velvet I think I’ve ever felt. My bridesmaids dresses have essentially already been picked out, and are absolutely gorgeous. I found an inexpensive, yet darling ring that I hope I can unsuspiciously thrust upon my boyfriend should he decide to propose.

Fact of it is, I’ve got all of this planned out in my head. It’s been this way long before I even knew who my boyfriend was, and I love it. The only problem? Now that it’s almost a reality; now that I can practically taste the engagement on the horizon… 

I realize that I’m poor. I don’t have any money to make this happen, and although I do have relatives, and although I do have people who care… It instantly puts the power in their hands. It won’t be my wedding anymore. It’ll be Lisa and Jared… and Everyone else who stuck their hands in my wedding pie.

I guess I’m just nervous. I don’t think I can do it. And I worry that because of that, I’ll have to settle for either a reception with everyone else’s ideas except my own, or the stereotypical “Utah” reception; basketball court with a few uncovered plastic tables and the “WONDERFUL” fluorescent lighting. 

Obviously I have time to worry about this. It’s just hitting me harder than ever tonight and I needed to rant it out.

So I'm finally gonna bring it up.

For some, this won't be much of a surprise. For others, it'll be the strangest thing ever to hear from my lips/blog.

But I think, if things go the way they're headed, I'll probably be engaged by the end of this summer.

I don't want to sit here and say "Jared Dalton is the most unique and amazing person I've ever met and it's true love and he's Mr. Right and lalalalalala~" because that's not necessarily the case.

He's the realistic portrait of whom I want to marry. He's sweet, he's caring, and he's loyal. He's trusting and kind, almost to an unbelievable level. I love him. He's also logical and realistic. We have similar styles of humor, we know things about each other that we wouldn't tell anyone else. My Jared knows how to communicate clearly. He's smart and I could tell him anything. He compliments me when I feel my worst AND when I feel my best. He knows me and treats me like a human being-- no... like a princess, a daughter of God, should be treated.

That is only half of Jared.

He isn't very intuitive. He can't tell when I'm happy or sad most of the time unless I tell him how I feel. He has a failure complex - He can't handle feeling like he's failed something. He has some self-esteem issues and can be incredibly awkward at times. He can be pretty gullible, too.

I'm not expecting this to be an easy choice, but it's one I want to make. I want to spend eternity with him.


Anyway, the main reason this came up was because my Grandpa told me that he thinks Jared is the right match for me. I went to my grandpa to ask him what he thought of Jared, and to my surprise, my grandpa had apparently already long decided that Jared was an excellent man to have in our family.

We had a touching conversation, and both of us nearly cried in joy. My grandpa is an astoundingly wonderful man. I couldn't imagine marrying someone he didn't approve of, and knowing that he thinks Jared is good, just makes me giddy.

Watch out world! I'mma be a Dalton soon enough!